Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former International Monetary Fund chief and living Pepé Le Pew instantiation who was arrested last May for raping a hotel maid, will see the charges against him formally dropped tomorrow, according to his accuser's lawyer.

All Americans spend 90% of their time at work screwing around on the internet. This is why America's so great! According to science, browsing the internet for fun makes you a better worker.

We continue today in our journey to the bottom of the state-based cesspool that is America, praising eight more territories for their meager good and shaming them for their overwhelming terribleness.

Ever since John Galliano flamed out and was fired as head designer for Dior after an anti-Semitic rant, the historic French fashion house has been without a creative director. Apparently very American (and ironically very Jewish) designer Marc Jacobs might fill the position.

Many completely correct adjectives come to mind when you think of presidential frontrunner Willard "Mittens" Romney: Slick, gross, rich, cheesy, evil, hilarious, weird, and, especially, white. But no one ever talks about how old he is. Did you know he's kind of old?

The Isle of Wight, a popular British beach destination, is about to open a third prison. Once that happens, the Isle will house 1,500 inmates, almost all of whom are convicted sex offenders. What says rest and relaxation more than prisons teeming with pedophiles and rapists?

What's the reason for the unabated plunge of Wal-Mart's sales for the past two years? We assumed it was because Wal-Mart sucks a big one. In fact, there may be a mathematical explanation!

As we speak, Hurricane Irene (upgraded from "tropical storm" this morning and the first Atlantic hurricane of the season) is ravaging the Caribbean. So obviously, the next question on your mind must be, "But how are local celebrities doing?" The New York Post will have you know that Kate Winslet narrowly escaped a fire at Richard Branson's private isle in the British Virgin Islands. Branson's guests all got out safely, but his home, office, and "thousands of photographs" were "completely destroyed."

If you were a former three-term governor of New York and had dealt with all of Albany's crap for 12 years, wouldn't you hate politics and life so much that you'd want to go fishing or golfing or part-time corporate lobbying all the time, alone, while anxiously awaiting your death that just can't come soon enough? Yeah, you would! But if you're George Pataki, you apparently want to run for president. Hmm.

You know how much we love a time-lapse video of New York! Here's one of the work done on the 9/11 memorial between 2004 and 2011. Why doesn't this thing have the dramatic soundtrack and whirling lights we're used to?

The hits have not kept coming for Wikileaks. Since its massive diplomatic cables dump, the secret-sharing site has kept whatever secrets it's come across to itself. Now it appears a disgruntled former Wikileaks insider deleted them all.

Neglected moms everywhere are rejoicing because T-Mobile's $49.99 per line Family Plan is seriously something to call home about. With unlimited data, talk and text, America's Largest 4G Network is bringing loved ones together with guarantees of fast, affordable service. Plus, with the unlimited plan, you never have to stress about abusing your precious data capacity, so your whole brood can access things like Facebook, YouTube and Twitter-‘cause you know, nothing says family like Aunt Prudence's latest tweet.

Cops bust Kim Kardashian's wedding, but let them eat butt plug cake. Jerry Seinfeld disses child fans. Kimberly Stewart births Benicio del Toro's baby. Chris Rock is a "divo." Monday gossip is black and white and read all over.

The time has finally come for New York Times editor Bill Keller to pass the torch. New York Times staffers just received this invitation to his going-away party this Wednesday, at Canal Room.

This A-List stud showers so rarely he stinks up the entire movie set. This director likes to bust up marriages, this actor and soap star are both on the juice, and this Twilight actress charges for her company. At $50,000 a night, you better hope she bathes first!

Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi's reign is crumbling; two of his sons have been captured. But as rebels besiege Qaddafi's Bab Azaziya compound, nobody knows where the gristle-headed strongman is. Is he cowering beneath a human shield of Amazonian bodyguards in his compound? Is he sneaking off to Venezuela?

It's true! Lady movies are officially the go-to fare for the final summer month. Though, don't discount apes. Don't discount them ever, we've learned this summer. We've also learned that America only has room for one Conan.

Breaking news in the Wall Street Journal today on the state of the newspaper industry: it's still bad. Ad revenues? Not looking up. Layoffs? Sure, more could be coming. If only there was one bright spot in this beleaguered industry...

"Xanadu" was the original name of a plan dreamed up by Satan to blight the earth, in the form of an outrageously large, atrociously garish, criminally expensive, and blatantly unwanted shopping mall in New Jersey, Satan's earthly dominion. It costs nearly $4 billion! It's been in the process of being built for eight years! And it's still not finished, because nobody wants it! So... why don't you pay for it?

Scotland Yard said a 70-year-old man was the oldest person arrested during riots there. He was busted "in connection with theft from a shop in West Ealing. He was cautioned." Being London's Oldest Looter is quite an honor. [Independent]