Today we learned that 30 Rock is the most referenced thing in New Yorkers' dating profiles, along with Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny, ice cream, wine and a few other things. What do those things say to a perspective suitor? One commenter explained.

When Michael Jackson died, he was worth a paltry $50 million. Pfft, that's nothing. Pocket change. Now that he's gone and not accumulating debt to fuel his extravagant lifestyle, the value of his estate has skyrocketed.

Google has updated its list of the most visited sites on the web, and it looks like Facebook got one trillion pageviews in a single month. Gee, all the hard core internet research we've all been doing at work and all the serious essays and poetry we've been reading at home must be in Google's statistics somewhere, right?

In what will surely be the greatest press release of ths week, the National Zoo offers a catalog of how various animals reacted to yesterday's earthquake. In it, we discover that the range of animal quake reactions is roughly the same as the range of human quake reactions, from startled shrieking to baleful hiding:

Here's a lovely little photo essay prepared by David Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh's less drug-addicted brother. It shows Rick Perry at age 22, when he was an Air Force pilot, contrasted with "Barack Hussein Obama II" at age 22, when he was a nig—excuse me, I mean, boy. They were both boys, obviously, but Perry was a plane-flying man while Obama was really a boy. Just a boy. This is going to be the most racist election ever.

Michael Pena, the off duty NYPD officer charged with raping a Manhattan woman last Friday night (not to be confused with the on-duty NYPD officers charged with raping a Manhattan woman) allegedly showed a gun, pulled the woman behind an apartment building, and raped her. Police arrived and found him still in the act, drunk, with his gun and badge next to him.

Anonymous has declared war on San Francisco's commuter subway system, BART. They've staged protests and hacked website, but a leak of nude pics of a BART spokesman has taken things to another, more personal level.

For all the talk about Justin Timberlake taking over MySpace, it turns out that the real decision maker at the recently sold social network is a former Pepsi executive named Al Dejewski. And Dejewski's is proposing some tough love: detox, shape up, and focus on selling music, for bros. Oh, God, whatever, dad.

Things are going about as expected for New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman when he decided to take on the full brunt of the White House and the largest megabanks in the country by trying to investigate the full load of their mortgage-related crimes over the past decade: Somewhat difficultly.

23-year-old Christian Falero is accused of going on a stabbing spree in Washington Heights yesterday, stabbing four people at random yesterday. A witness says the earthquake made him do it. (Oh, also, he's crazy.)

Marcus Bachmann, the sexually enigmatic Christian therapist husband of presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, says he does not pray the gay away. To the contrary: He holds the gay close, arms intertwined, bodies pressed together as one.

It's late August, and there is nothing on TV except for Big Brother and crappy reruns. What the hell are you supposed to watch before the new TV season starts in September? We're here with some suggestions for DVD/iTunes/Netflix marathons that will have you glued to your couch.

So this is how it is, then? Phillip Seaton (pictured)—an innocent man who went in for a routine adult circumcision and awoke to find that a ding dong doc had dinged his ding dong till it was clean gone—has been awarded not one red cent by a jury of his peers. (A "six-man, six-woman jury," his peers? Are they, really? Are they? Penis peers? Are they?)

Male or female, gay or straight, it doesn't seem to matter: Basically all of Gotham is citing 30 Rock in their online dating profiles. Because talking about television is sure to get you laid!

Gay liberation and women's liberation come full circle today: In "The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name," gay Elle writer Seth Plattner announces that he likes to make out with women sometimes, not because he is bisexual, but because he really likes sexual attention. He's like a drunk sorority girl at a frat party, but gay and at a cool bar in New York. Here is his confession:

So far, at least, it seems like Texas Gov. Rick Perry made a fine last-minute decision to enter the presidential race. From our side, we applaud his magical ability to produce daily blog material. And for him, he's already leading every national poll! Now the question is whether he'll completely flop and go down in American political history as a grand failure, no big deal.

In your era-ending Wednesday media column: Jim Romenesko is semi-retiring, cartooning for The New Yorker is hard, the NYO broadsheet is here, a weather lady is scared of earthquakes, and newspapers have grown.

Oops. Yale University recently announced that the names and Social Security numbers of 43,000 people affiliated with the school were publicly available online for about 10 months. Ivy League institutions, they're just like us: completely and utterly exposed.

The AP's Matt Apuzzo and Adam Goldman broke an extraordinary story today about the NYPD's unfettered and probably illegal intelligence operation—which employs "rakers" and "mosque crawlers" to troll Arab neighborhoods for information even when no crime is suspected—and its tight integration with the CIA, which has covert operatives deployed within the department. Basically, if you're a Muslim in New York, you either work for the NYPD or are being watched by them.

Now the cast of Glee has gone and enlisted David Bowie in its quest to ruin Fashion's Night Out, Anna Wintour's fake charity. Their first act as spokespeople for FNO is this video for Bowie's classic "Fashion." I wish I could hate it.