Hey look! The good folks on Fox and Friends did a segment on Gawker this morning, for no apparent reason at all, claiming (falsely!) that our traffic is down 75%.

Last October, the Obama administration announced a plan to place "photovoltaic solar collectors and a solar hot water heater" atop the White House roof, where panels haven't been since that jerk Ronald Reagan ripped off the ones that Jimmy Carter installed. The goal was to have them installed by the beginning of this summer. They are nowhere to be seen. We demand our symbolic acknowledgement of alternative energy now!

Here is a striking example of how detached from reality British authorities' post-riot social media crackdown is. The cop in charge of their social media efforts suggested that Twitter could force people to use their real names on the service. Has he ever been on Twitter?

"Ladies and gentlemen," 700 Club televangelist Pat Robertson tells us before delivering the clip we've all been expecting for several days. "I don't want to get weird on this so please take it for what it's worth." Dude, you use disclaimers now to preface your latest comical religious explanations for natural disasters, in the case the Great D.C. Earthquake? Please show some spine to support all that bullshit, Pat.

An inebriated Ashlee begs Pete to take her back. Mariah Carey's kids have diamond-encrusted diaper pins. Minka and Jeter break up. Emma Watson moves in with a lover, and so does Pippa Middleton, and so does Alec Baldwin. Friday gossip splits the rent.

This funny man went berserk on set after a three-day drug binge. This star is getting a divorce. And this famous couple is breaking up over failed fertility treatments. Even that type of drug binge is dangerous.

You hear about this hurricane that's headed up the East Coast? According to a variety of scientific and mathematical calculations, Hurricane Irene might completely drown New York City and much of the Eastern seaboard. It's a dire weather prediction geek-off.

Creative Artists Agency is reportedly discussing opening a Silicon Valley office where tech executives would become "rock stars." And they may start with Biz Stone, the vodka pitchman, Twitter co-founder, AOL adviser, and blogging how-to author. Stone is a good choice, being undistracted as he is with being an actual functioning technology executive.

Perhaps you've heard about the raging toga parties a prison outside of Moscow was holding? Now the prison stories out of Russia are getting even better. Moscow daily Moskovsky Komsomolets interviewed "Andrei," an ex-inmate who says that if you have money you can do whatever the hell you want in prison. The Independent has translated quotes from Andrei:

Any number of horrendous things can happen to you while you're unconscious on an operating table, but what happened to a 50-year-old man who was having his leg amputated at a Shanghai hospital on Wednesday might be the worst of all. In the operating room next door a fire broke out:

Erin O'Keefe and Amy Milano are the kinds of proactive, idealistic young adults this country needs a few more of: They saw a challenge — in this case, the world record for slapping someone in the face with a slice of pizza — and said: "Challenge, get out of the way! Erin and Amy are here!" Then they slapped each other in the face with four slices of pizza a combined 174 times in 15 seconds, shattering the previous world record of 0 times in 0 seconds. Don't believe me? Well don't take my word for it: Ready, set, dough! [recordsetter.com via Eater]

The last time Regis Philbin had anything to do with a David Letterman Top 10 list, he was ruining it. But not this time. On tonight's Late Show, Letterman used the segment to wish Philbin a happy 80th—and to speculate as to how the octogenarian spent his big day. Video of Letterman's tribute is above.

"The entire grab was about three seconds, and constant pressure wasn't applied." That was Colorado Sheriff's Deputy Hassan M. Hassan, describing the nut-grabbing maneuver he recently deployed on 22-year-old suspect Samuel Fazio (pictured).

An appeals court overturned a conviction against Eric Kenley, charged with driving the getaway car in two robberies in downtown Manhattan back in 2007. Kenley is a big guy — 6-foot-4, 400 pounds — and as such, fit the eyewitness descriptions of the man they saw at the scene of the crimes: "A huge, big, fat, black guy." When it came time to identify him in a police lineup, however, finding other, huge, big, fat, black guys to stand next to Kenley proved an insurmountable challenge. From the NYP:

Here's a trailer for The Rum Diary, which hits theaters this October. Based on Hunter S. Thompson's novel of the same name, the movie stars Johnny Depp as Paul Kemp, a late '50s NYC journalist/alcoholic who eventually finds himself in the middle of some sort of hotel development scheme down in San Juan. There's also a hot woman. And lots of rum! So basically, it's Pirates of the Caribbean, except without the accents. Or the pirates. [via ET]

As the East Coast braces for Phase Two of God's Late-Summer Reckoning, the shores of Southern California remain sunny, warm, and tranquil. *Cue ominous tuba solo.*

The AP reports that "two dozen gunmen" stormed the Casino Royale in Monterrey, Mexico, doused it in a flammable liquid, and set it ablaze. It's claimed 32 lives so far. We'll go out on a limb and call this drug-related.

The big, scary, speed-popping, Harley-revving, Altamont-terrorizing crime syndicate known as the Hells Angels are angry — and you don't want to see them when they're angry. Because they'll call their lawyers! What they are angry about is this T-shirt, produced by L.A.-based Wildfox Couture, which bears the slogan "My Boyfriend s a Hells Angel."

Did you know Saturday Night Live pays freelancers $100 per joke for Weekend Update? You can't just tie them to a rock and hurl them through an 8th floor window of Rockefeller Center, however. You must first get your name on something called "the fax list," which is a list of standups and comedy writers who have been vetted by a comedy writing establishment hopelessly mired in outdated modes of communication.

Are you ready for a brand new talk about fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion? Well, you've come to the right place! As is our weekly wont, a bunch of us are live-blogging tonight's Project Runway episode in the comments, and you're invited. Join us!