Why isn’t ISIS massacring people in the United States every day? Even after the FBI declared the San Bernardino massacre an “act of terrorism” today, the 14 bodies added to the jihadist column on the murder scoreboard still left Islamic radicals trailing right-wing extremists, 48 to 45.

Kristin Cavallari, a writer, has inhabited many places throughout her lifetime. The driver’s seat of a Range Rover, an infinity pool, at least one college classroom—all kinds of places. But where is she right now?

Yesterday, the Los Angeles County DA’s office announced that it would not be pressing charges against highway patrol officer officer Daniel Andrew, who was filmed punching 51-year-old Marlene Pinnock in July 2014. It may go without saying but needs to be noted regardless: Pinnock is black.

On Thursday, New York police arrested 49-year-old Mark Vicars and found in his home a number of worrying items—the illegal possession of which, individually and collectively, carry significant jail time.

An academic study on “pseudo-profound bullshit” finds that the people most likely to believe pseudo-profound bullshit are suckers—who are also dumb.

According to the Los Angeles Times, reporters inside the recently re-opened home of the suspected terrorists behind Wednesday’s mass shooting came across receipts from CheaperThanDirt.com and BudsGunShop.com, legal online stores that are exactly what they sound like.

The FBI is officially investigating the San Bernardino attack as an act of terrorism, citing “a number of pieces of evidence.”

Barnes and Noble plans to save itself from inevitable death by “expanding its offerings of toys, games, gadgets and other gifts and reshaping the nation’s largest bookstore chain into a ‘lifestyle brand.’” Eh. Gawker readers once suggested “Turn them into bars,” which seems more likely to succeed.

On Wednesday night, The Daily Beast reported that a man named Syed Farook had been identified by police as a suspect in the mass shooting at a party among health department employees at Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California. The article’s authors, Oliver Jones and Katie Zavadski, included a photo of Farook taken from Facebook, described him as a “business tax representative” for the California government, and linked to property records showing he had purchased a home in Corona. In fact, as the article’s 1:41 a.m. correction indicates, the photo, description, and property records were not those of the actual suspect, whose full name is Syed Rizwan Farook. They were of his brother, Syed Raheel Farook.

On Wednesday night, hours after 14 people were killed in a shooting in San Bernardino, the Daily Beast found photos it thought were of the male shooter, Syed Farook, and posted them on their website and social media accounts.

In my experience, the highlight of Matthew Barney’s 351-minute movie River of Fundament, occurs a little more than three hours in, when we’re treated to a close-up shot of greenish diarrhea leaking out of a butthole. That’s powerful imagery and I’ve never seen anything quite like it before.

Today the owner of the apartment complex in which the alleged San Bernardino shooters lived allowed several media outlets to tour (and inspect the contents of) their apartment. As you can see in the incredibly awkward clip above, MSNBC decided to broadcast one of their reporters rifling through Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik’s belongings, including books, random family photos, and various personal documents.

Most of the 14 (??) remaining GOP candidates congregated in Washington yesterday to put themselves at the mercy of the Republican Jewish Coalition. It was a spectacular display of men (and Carly Fiorina) who generally devote a lot of energy to convincing people that they are deeply Christian competing to answer one, important question: Who can pander to Jews the hardest?

German lawmakers voted today to aid France in the fight against ISIS in Syria. Per the AP, Germany will engage in a “broad noncombat mission” by sending reconnaissance jets and a frigate to support French operations.

Thanks to the (few) rules governing campaign Super PACs, candidates aren’t technically allowed to coordinate with them. Which means candidates can’t technically feed them hours and hours of raw video footage for future campaign ads. Candidates can however, casually leave them on a neglected YouTube account for Super PACs to find. And thank god they can, because Ted Cruz did.

The female San Bernardino shooter, Tashfeen Malik, “pledged allegiance to the leader of the Islamic State” on Facebook sometime before or during Wednesday’s attack, authorities say—though there’s still no indication the attack was encouraged or sponsored by ISIS.

Christmas in South Carolina is a time for family—for gift giving—and for repenting for your betrayal of the Confederate values, warns one state lawmaker in a beautiful slavery-themed Christmas card.

Never one to pass up a televised appearance, Donald Trump announced this week he’ll still do the CNN debate, even if they don’t pay him $5 million for the privilege.

Some very visible bad things have happened. Dozens of people have been shot. Some people are very afraid. They don’t need to be.

“We’re living in an age when humans have modified just about all aspects of our environment, deliberately or accidentally,” said developmental geneticist Robin Lovell-Badge, at an international summit on human gene editing. “In this context, it seems worth asking why would we not also want to modify ourselves?”