A show about Chicago's famous Playboy Club debuted last night and it was... not good. Also today: A movie heads to Broadway, Disney gets a whole new land, and Charlie Sheen is a hit.

Frozen feathers! Getting shorter! Asteroid redemption! NASA engineers! Weight brain! Giant telescopes! Desperate dolphins! Indian frogs! And hypothetical questions with real world consequences! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—like ka-blow!

Having failed to make Twitter a beacon of corporate responsibility, co-founders Ev Williams and Biz Stone launched a new venture to "unlock human potential" and "improve the world." Which they are totally going to get to, just as soon as they finish their tequila and champagne bacchanal at the VIP table of a Las Vegas nightclub.

Shocking and sexually thrilling news comes today that Robert Pattinson, shimmer-skinned vampyr hero of Twilight, is recording an album! Of music! How exciting.

It's such a hassle to go to the drug store and search all the aisles for beer, ping-pong balls, and condoms so that you can get wasted, play beer pong, and then have a regretful, half-flaccid hookup with some poor someone. Now one drug store is putting them all together for your convenience.

A mysterious "forest boy" presented himself at Berlin City Hall two weeks ago. The first words he spoke were English: "I'm alone in the world. I don't know who I am. Please help me." He is believed to be 17, and to have spent the last five years sleeping on the ground in a forest. His identity is a mystery.

Workers in an Amazon.com warehouse were routinely sent to the emergency room because of sweltering, suffocating heat that sometimes exceeded 110 degrees — and because Amazon refused to open warehouse doors, fearing theft, according to a devastating exposé in the Allentown, Pennsylvania Morning Call. After workers, an E.R. doctor and a security guard complained, federal regulators investigated the warehouse and recommended changes. Amazon responded with popsicles, bandanas and finger pointing.

Two prominent Anonymous associates are shopping around a book detailing the exploits of the hacktivist group from the inside, according to the Observer. But will anyone want to read it?

All that Hurricane Irene and Tropical Storm Lee wanted was to smash a few windows, flood some streets, and uproot an old tree here or there. But now they may indirectly end up shutting down the federal government, too! This really is a banner year for the forces of evil.

Here is actress Amy Phillips doing her impersonation of Real Housewives of New York star Ramona Singer—also known as one of the only ladies left standing after Bravo fired just about everyone else. It's absolutely amazing.

Could it be that the real reason the world economy is in the tank is not the tax-and-spend liberals perniciously penalizing The Rich for their success—but instead, the wrath of a vengeful god? Yes. The god one is correct.

Last night I was too busy being drag queen Sylvia London's date to Michael Musto's book party to watch The A List but, guess what, Dustin & Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals were there! They were having a kiki about all the gossip on the show, so we listened in rather than listen to Countess Crackerjacks sing.

In your provocative Tuesday media column: the NYT's new Big City columnist gives us hope, Ted Turner vs. Rupert Murdoch, Utah newspaper standards war, the internet won't be free forever, and Cenk Uygur to Current TV.

Last night's episode of the Beverly Swillbillies descended back into the blackness of the first episode of the season, and I'm once again not exactly sure how to talk about it.

81-year-old former astronaut and Dancing with the Stars geezer Buzz Aldrin is having a sex scandal. After 23 years of marriage, he left third wife Lois Driggs Cannon to be with 51-year-old marketer Michelle Sucillon, whom he met while signing books. Though not yet divorced, Buzz and Michelle have reportedly been "making out like teenagers" in public. Now Lois is giving scorched-earth interviews accusing Michelle of being "a predator," and Buzz of having "a midlife crisis in old age." Once you've been to the moon, it's hard to get thrills. [P6, Image of Buzz and Lois via Getty, Michelle via Facebook]

Billionaire New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has been very secretive about his homes and personal life, but the New York Times discovered yesterday that photos of two of Bloomberg's townhouses were posted in plain sight on the website of his interior decorator.

It was the coolest of times, it was the crappiest of times. B.o.B., a famous rapper, came all the way to Ithaca to play a show at Cornell University. This was, according to locals, cool. But then he went and ran up a $1,060 bill at a local bar, and refused to pay the waiter. This was, according to locals, not cool. The Cornell Daily Sun reports:

So 28 million people watched Ashton Kutcher's debut on Two and a Half Men last night, and I was one of those people. And boy was it a harrowing experience.

To celebrate the end of the military's ban against openly gay servicemembers, a gay soldier stationed in Germany decided to come out to his family and the world in the most public way possible: by recording a video and posting it on the internet. It's the sweetest thing we've seen in a long time.

The Great Class Warfare War of 2011 saw "fighting" (useless bitching) continue well into Monday night, mostly on the television program of self-appointed Nassau County police dispatcher Bill O'Reilly.