Joan Renee Zalk is a professional yoga instructor and acupuncturist, not a professional dog walker. So please pardon her for not realizing that making a chihuahua run alongside your Toyota Camry while you drive isn't an acceptable dog-walking practice. There's no manual about these things, and she doesn't always get to read the British papers.

What if you were the victim of an online stalker? Someone who spent three years crafting a campaign against you, who somehow got his hands on nude photos of you and sent them to your family. How could that situation get any worse? What if it turned out your stalker was your boyfriend?

Here's an odd little revelation from the run-up to the trial of accused terrorist plotters Ahmed Ferhani and Mohamed Mamdouh: The NYPD had an undercover officer planted at a demonstration showing support for Cordoba House, the so-called "Ground Zero Mosque."

On the eve of its premiere, X Factor judge Paula Abdul—aka the human incarnation of a lost dog finally seeing its owner again—wandered onto Tuesday night's Late Show, where she was asked by David Letterman to explain the differences between The X Factor and American Idol. She, uh, tried.

President Obama waged class warfare on Monday when he announced a plan to narrow the budget deficit by increasing the minimum tax rate for those making more than $1 million a year. Republicans shot back, demanding instead that people without any money start paying taxes on that non-money. It's a classic rich vs. poor stalemate—one that Stephen Colbert attempted to solve on tonight's Report when he looked to the ground—six or so feet below it, actually—before suggesting a third party solution.

Doing their part to keep the struggling U.S. Postal Service afloat, Congressional Republican leaders sent a letter a to Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke on Tuesday, demanding that he stop doing whatever it is that he's thinking of doing to help the economy, because they said so.

After TLC gave Sarah Palin her own reality show, many wondered if it cable television had hit a new bottom. Then last month, the network announced plans to air a series about the Beehive Beauty Shop—that's right, a program devoted to Palin's favorite hair salon in Wasilla, Alaska—and America shook its collective head.

Gosh, you are probably saying to yourself right now, my commute was bad today. I wonder how it was in Boca Del Rio, Mexico? Well! "Masked gunmen blocked traffic on a busy avenue... and dumped the bodies of 35 slaying victims as horrified motorists watched."

Two months after its repeal was certified by President Obama, today marked the official end of the nearly 18-year-old "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy precluding gays from serving openly in the military. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart celebrated the end of DADT by shaming it for existing in the first place: "That's how ridiculous this policy was... the apology for the affront is, 'All right, sorry, you can go to Afghanistan and fight for your country!'"

An odd alert went out over New York City's "Notify NYC" system on Tuesday evening: "The NY State Dep of Criminal Justice Services has issued a Missing Child Alert for 8 children, all named Nephra Payne ages 11 months to 11 years." Eight kids with the same name? Surely that's some kind of mistake?

Matthew Winkler was down under last week, and on top of the world. The Bloomberg co-founder interviewed the Aussie prime minister, and gushed in a laudatory Australian profile that "it's really an extraordinary time to be around, to be alive, to be a journalist — to be at Bloomberg News.'' One of his reporters very much disagreed. (Or not — see her statement in the update below.)

If there's one thing that's been missing from the exhaustive coverage of former Rep. Anthony Weiner, it's the opinion of rapper Rick Ross. Now, thanks to the pioneering journalism of GQ's Devin Friedman (who spent a day and night hanging out with Ross), we've got it:

What a milestone in gay history today has been! Not only did we mark the official end of the U.S. military's oppressive, anti-gay Don't Ask Don't Tell policy—but also it turns out this species of squid has weird gay sex all the time!

This summer, "planking"—lying face down in an unusual spot while someone takes a picture of you—quickly became a popular internet meme, then a deadly-and-possibly-racist meme, and then, finally, an old meme. And while you'd think that, if anyone, planking would be a hit with the pre-teen set, this new "Kids React" video from the Fine Brothers shows that even children think it's ridiculous and stupid. [via YouTube]

The man who built Al Jazeera into a global TV news powerhouse was replaced after Wikileaks released a cable showing he collaborated with the U.S. government. Apparently this did not go over well with the Middle Eastern royal family that actually owns the network.

For the most part, Vogue's Arianna Huffington profile is as puffy and inoffensive as you'd expect: There's some gushing about her warmth and glamour, descriptions of a couple of her outfits. But if you read closely, there's claw, too.

Early this morning we noted that famous lost 13th disciple Michele Bachmann is always having her words twisted around by the media. It's a truly terrible, unfair thing, agreed one commenter.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (who will be played by the talking trash heap from Fraggle Rock in his biopic) found out he is allowed to veto a $420,000 tax credit the New Jersey Economic Development Authority gave Jersey Shore to film in the state. He might do exercise that right. What a stupid idea.

Back in May, Buffalo teen Jamey Rodermeyer contributed a video to the "It Gets Better" campaign. Though only 14, Rodermeyer felt he had a message of hope to send whoever was watching. Now, four months later, he's dead of a suicide.

Washington remains obsessed with all of the hot political gossip in Pulitzer Prize-winning author Ron Suskind's new book, Confidence Men, about the inner workings of the early Obama administration. The quote that so far has garnered the most attention is former communications director Anita Dunn's assertion that the White House boys' club atmosphere could have qualified as a "hostile workplace" under law. So why did Suskind omit the possibly exculpatory part of her quote?