Today we expressed some concern that Mitt Romney might explode. He just seems a little wound-up. So what can his handlers do to fix this problem? One commenter had some suggestions.

The month-old Occupy Wall Street protests have already lasted longer than most observers (including us!) had expected. But with freezing cold temperatures and an inevitable media pullback, how much longer will they last?

It sounds like the Steve Jobs memorial event on the Apple Inc. campus today turned into something of a Stevestock: Randy Newman, Norah Jones, and Coldplay performed at the outdoor event.

Once a movie actress, she's now doing TV. Also today: Americans can't make anything original, French Stewart has been located, and How to Be a Gentleman has been put out to stud.

Is your child younger than two years old? Has your child ever caught a glimpse of your household television set in the "on" mode? Congratulations: you're raising a loser.

Jersey Shore stars Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi Giancola, the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of the modern age, have broken up yet again. No, guys. It's for real this time. Just like it was last time. Yup, it's done. Over. For good. I miss you. Come snuggle. No, that doesn't mean we're together. Oh, OK, now we are together. Stop looking at her. Listen to me! How could you do this to me? You're such an asshole. I'm done. Done. Don't ever talk to me again. Fuck you. Hold me.

MC Hammer just launched his search engine "WireDoo" at the Web 2.0 Summit in San Francisco. The singer-turned-investor says WiredDoo goes "beyond just the keywords" into "relationship search" and "deep search." Sounds intense. Time to sample Marvin Gaye again.

We all know that America's greatest poop phone user, Anderson Cooper, will take every opportunity to take his shirt off on camera. But what about his arms? When he rolled up his shirt to get a flu shot on today's episode of Anderson, he paused briefly to flex for the crowd and said, "Welcome to the gun show." Then he got all bashful about it and his infamous giggle followed. Oh, Anderson, you're so cute when you don't know how hot you are.

Washington's War on Potatoes appears to be wrapping up, and... let's see here... potatoes are winning! White potatoes, those excessively salted and fried and embacon'd starch rocks that are now limited to two weekly cafeteria servings under new USDA regulations for federally subsidized school lunches, will soon be freed, as the Senate voted yesterday to "block the USDA from putting any limits on serving potatoes or other vegetables in school lunches."

Legendary actor Marlon Brando never got along very well with celebrity photographers. In fact, the notoriously difficult thespian clocked "the Godfather of U.S. paparazzi culture," Ron Galella, after a taping of The Dick Cavett Show in 1973. Brando paid a $40K settlement to cover Galella's broken jaw and suffered an infected hand as the result of the incident.

River Phoenix, the actor that your (much) older sister had a huge crush on in 1993 when he died of a drug-related heart attack, is going to be at the multiplex again next year. Yes, 18 years later, the director of his final movie is finally going to release it.

Wired magazine's web site is doing something that sounds cool—"embedding" a reporter with the Anonymous movement, so she can write a "concise history of the lulzy collective...explain their social structure, and [d]ocument their exploits and raids as they arise." Oh, and she promises never to reveal the identity of any Anon, anywhere. Because that would be mean!

If you ever need to convince someone that show business is a chauvinist boys club, just play them this clip explaining how, sometime in the 1990s, Saturday Night Live executive producer Lorne Michaels wanted to install a woman as Weekend Update anchor for the first time in a decade, but abandoned the idea after his hero Steve Martin said "some broad" had "fucked everything up" when co-hosting an awards show with him.

Let's not forget to pull from the wreckage of last night's gory Vegas debate this underappreciated comedic contribution from Michele Bachmann: Her constant calls for the attention of Anderson Cooper, who was preoccupied with figuring out how to escape the building alive. "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson," all night long, with that folksy monotony you just can't find back East. So good on TPM for culling all of these cries into one clip! Although we should warn that you risk hearing "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson" in your dreams for about a week if you watch this.

In your drizzly Wednesday media column: a prime time shakeup at MSNBC, key staffers laid off at the Village Voice, Reuters' editor writes a crappy memo, The Daily does something right, and Gary Knell's upcoming ass kissing campaign.

Another day, another bit of time spent with the dilapidated horseshoe crabs over at Fox & Friends. Once again they were discussing this curious thing called Occupy Wall Street and today they focused on how these weirdos feed themselves.

Remember Steven Slater, the folk hero of summer 2010 who ditched his JetBlue flight after cussing out a passenger and sliding down the inflatable slide?

Citigroup has agreed to pay $285 million to settle charges that it packaged and sold a bunch of mortgage-backed securities in 2007 that it knew would drop in value, and then bet that they would in fact drop in value, making money off the suckers it sold them to.

So last night: greatest debate ever, right? The vicious babies on stage, God bless , were so busy sniping at each other about who had more Mexicans in their front yards that Anderson Cooper barely had any time to make the cheesy situational jokes that is CNN's calling card. Hoo boy, what a madcap muckfest. Then again, we're kind of worried about Mitt Romney, whose head and a good chunk of his upper torso will soon disappear in a horrific explosion.

First came the email ghostwriter. Then Oprah and Saturday Night Live and a new mansion. Now Mark Zuckerberg has moved up to the next celebrity accessory, his own security guard.