In your careful study of the U.S.-Colombia Trade Agreement, you possibly failed to consider how such a document might impact the relative sex toy industries of the two participating nations. The short answer: It will be a mutually beneficial sex-industrial relationship.

Watch this YouTube of President Barack Obama delivering his Thanksgiving-themed weekly address and see if you can figure out what—or Who—is missing. tl; dw? Fine, then: It's God! He did not mention God, who made everything you should feel thankful for—if you believe in God.

Are you a fan of Parks and Recreation? Do you hate cancer? If so, then you'll dig this clever new PSA from DoSomething.org, which stars Aziz Ansari and Chris Pratt urging people to "Give a Spit" about blood cancer (and hopefully save a life in the process). So go spit all over them! I mean, if you're into that sort of thing. [via YouTube]

In the 1980s, 88-year-old California dreamer Bob Wallace invented Polar Pure: a plastic bottle that contains crystallized iodine at the bottom to purify water. Flood victims and campers love the things, but so do meth cooks (an outcome that Wallace probably should have anticipated).

While listening to Aunt Eunice talk about her recent hip surgery and watching Little Cousin Jaydenlynne text furiously over her plateful of unwanted peas, you slowly chewed your turkey and thought about American's politicians and pundits, and how they are spending Thanksgiving. Am I right?

When taking into account the fact we eat them for Thanksgiving every year, it's not hard to understand why turkeys seem to harbor disdain for people. But just in case you've remained unaware of the phenomenon, here are 10 videos of some angry toms and hens exacting revenge upon the evil carnivores among us. Happy Thanksgiving! (My mom would like everyone to know that this post was her idea.) View »

Scotty McCreery misses his cue. Brad Pitt wasn't always a tragically overweight, dumpy-looking urchin with a comb-over. Kim Kardashian exposes herself to The Poors and learns the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Today's Gossip Roundup is sitting on the couch with some turkeys, playing video games and eating pumpkin pie topped with mashed potatoes instead of Cool Whip.

Thanksgiving is the perfect day to cherish those people and things that enhance your life: your family and Facebook friends, your computer, your favorite website, and many other, less obvious things that you might be overlooking. Such as?

The three American students arrested in Cairo earlier this week for allegedly tossing back too many Molotov cocktails will either be freed from jail or have already been freed, depending on which news source defines your reality.

Earlier this week we learned that Iran and its pal Hezbollah had caught dozens of CIA spies who always met at a super-secret Pizza Hut in Beirut (using the super-secret code word "PIZZA" to communicate meeting times). Now an Iranian parliamentary leader says that 12 of the spies have been arrested and jailed in cells where they're fed nothing but bread sticks and water.

Finally, an iPhone competitor has figured out a way to, if not quite level the playing field, at least get a few cheap shots in at Apple's expense: This Samsung smartphone ad is extremely petty about the kind of person who waits in line to buy an iPhone. Easy target, surefire results. Will it help to sell Samsung Galaxy S IIs? Who cares! Simply by performing this very necessary public service, I deem this campaign an unqualified success. I'm totally going to text it to everyone I know on my iPhone! (Sorry, Samsung. Do I look like the kind of person who clips cellphones to my belt and uses a Dell Inspiron? Yeah, no. Our love affair ends here.)

Even though New York First Mistress Sandra Lee is forever partial to Halloween—if you don't know why, do yourself a favor and click here to find out—she still made time to visit tonight's Late Night and prepare a Thanksgiving meal with Jimmy Fallon. And by "Thanksgiving meal," I mean "a gross-looking Bailey's martini and some cornbread stuffing with a can of Campbell's chicken rice soup in it," among other monstrosities. Aunt Sandy, God love her.

If, in the euphemistic police state in which we currently live, pepper-spray is a taco condiment, that would make tasing...what? A joy-buzzing compliance aid? Sure, let's call it that. Now can someone explain to me why Officer John Turner of Scotland Neck, North Carolina's police department felt the need to use a joy-buzzing compliance aid on an 61-year-old, disabled man with a hearing impairment who was riding down the street on a bicycle? Because that man is now dead.

Justin Bieber stopped by the Late Show this evening for a chat with David Letterman. At one point, Bieber noted that he'd been to "every continent." But after being challenged by Letterman to actually name each of them, Bieber was less than successful. See that, plus Letterman telling Bieber that a photo of him looks like Marie Osmond, in the above video.

The Amish beard-theft ring whose crimes shocked the world last October is now in police custody after the FBI raided their Ohio compound and arrested seven men in connection with the attacks. Hate crime charges have been filed.

Authorities say none of six passengers survived after a twin-engine plane crashed tonight in the Superstition Mountains near Phoenix. This is a webcam video that captures the moment of impact. They should have never flown under that ladder. [AP]

It's Thanksgiving Eve, which means we here at Gawker are fully committed to bringing you as much sex, violence and cosmetology news as is fit to print. The pilgrims would have wanted it that way. How about a "knock-down, drag-out fight" at a Wal-Mart nail salon outside Atlanta — with video? Yes. We thought you'd enjoy that, sickies.

The voters of Derby, Connecticut thought they were voting James R. Butler to a second term as head of the town's Board of Apportionment and Taxation, which oversees the budget. But someone on the Democratic Town Committee put the candidate's name down as James J. Butler — which happens to be the name of James R.'s 46-year-old son. Well, the good news is that James J. won! But the bad news is that he has no interest in politics, and voters thought they were voting for his 72-year-old father. Now no one has any idea what to do next.

Joe Pressil, a 36-year-old from Houston, was somewhat surprised to learn that his ex-girlfriend had become pregnant just three months after the couple broke up, because she had always claimed she was unable to have children due to a medical condition. He grew even more surprised when she gave birth to twins, and proved via blood tests that Pressil was the father. Then came a receipt in the mail from somewhere called the Advanced Fertility Center of Texas, which listed Pressil as a "patient," and the realization of what had actually occurred at last began to set in: Pressil says he was the victim of grand theft semen.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve to all fans of food, frivolity and reality TV! Why not ditch the relatives and the feast-prepping chores for an hour or so, and join our Top Chef commenter live blog? You'll be thankful you did!