What, you thought New York had a monopoly on public transit freak shows? Here's a horrid (that's British for "bad") British lady ranting about brown people ruining her country.

Gawker staff writer Maureen O'Connor appeared on NBC's Today show on November 28, 2011. Check out the clip above. For media requests, please contact Kevin Prince at kevin@gawker.com.

British child phenom Charlotte Church—the little girl with "the voice of an angel"—graced Rupert Murdoch's 1999 wedding to Wendi Deng with a song. How sweet! He got her to do it for free by promising not to savage her with his newspapers. Then he savaged her anyway.

Nate Hill is the New York artist behind the Free Bouncy Rides, Death Bear, the dead body dead body, and other, sunnier projects. Hill is biracial, and his latest work has a racial theme: for the next several months, Hill, in whiteface, will travel to Harlem as "The White Ambassador," prowling the streets to talk about important issues such as how white people are or are not stank. In the video above, watch as absurd performance art turns into an earnest and heartfelt conversation with a man on the street.

NBC, the shadow puppet and pantomime show discount emporium, needed a way to make some money since only seven Community fans now watch the network. What did they do? They went and sold their fake paper company, Dunder Miflin, to Staples. This sounds like a plot from The Office.

Lest there be any doubt that the purse dogs of Manhattan lead more glamorous lives than you do, check out this description of the "luxury dog run" planned for the upcoming $6.5 million renovation of TriBeCa's Hudson River Park:

Famous fundraising agency Wikileaks has delayed the launch of their much-anticipated new submission system, which was to be released today, because the entire internet is not good enough for Julian Assange.

Now that Herman Cain's sliding back into a comfortable third place in the polls and no one cares about him anymore, how should he spend all that money he raised while he was the frontrunner? "Converting the campaign into a PAC and paying yourself a million dollar salary for the next few years" would be our plan, and it's probably his for further down the road! For now, though, he'll make fancy cartoons like this one, about the 9-9-9 tax plan.

Consider the state of the pitiful American Man: beset on all sides by Spanx and fancy shampoo, tricked into doing crunches and grooming eyebrows, bereft of any healthy masculine role models. Gone is the American Man; in his place, the American Bro. And he is desperate to commune with his own kind.

Pippa Middleton steps out with two, yes two, boys at once. J.Lo had a lovely holiday with her new hunk. Jennifer Aniston and her beau nearly ran into Brad Pitt. Justin Bieber's fake babymomma's ex boyfriend is causing drama. Monday's gossip needs relationship advice.

We've all been wondering: What's with that guy who looks like a vegan Hells' Angel giving an icy stare on top of Wikipedia these days? He took some time to answer the internet's pressing technical/hair care questions.

The writing, so to speak, was on the wall, and now, it seems, what we all feared most shall, in fact, come to pass: our brothers and sisters on Wall Street—from the 18th floor to the 80th floor, from the fixed income desk to the investment banking division, from Goldman Sachs to Lehman... no, Lehman is dead... to WaMu... no, I mean, you know what we mean—well, they're all suffering, that's all. Just like the rest of us. It won't be a pretty Christmas this year on Wall Street. Not with paychecks projected to drop (*scary music*) as much as thirty percent!! From the WSJ:

You won't have Barney Frank to kick around anymore. The voluble, irascible congressman and insult comic will reportedly announce today that he won't run for Congress in 2012. Maybe there's a scandal coming! Maybe his district is getting chewed up in Massachusetts' redistricting process. Maybe he's just sick of this shit. Either way, we're losing one of the greats.

Americans are reportedly 20 pounds heavier, on average, than we were in 1990. Wha? Were people really so fine, in 1990, outside of In Living Color's The Fly Girls? It's okay, though; we've made certain... psychological adjustments. We now have raised our self-reported "ideal weight" by ten pounds. No matter how big we get, our problem is just those last ten pounds! From a new Gallup poll:

This Twilight star cut his body out of the posters and has people snort coke off of it? This singer did crack with homeless people on Thanksgiving and this mogul has a thing for burgers. We all have our drugs!

On Thanksgiving Eve, Andri Lynn Jeffers allegedly walked into a northern Arizona gas station and demanded money from the cashier. When he turned Jeffers down, she announced that she had a bomb underneath her sweater and threatened to blow up the place, like how they do on teevee.

But first the comedic/folksy/funky/sugalumpy duo needs a story, says Bret McKenzie (the non-bespectacled half). You don't have much going on these days—maybe you should write one for them. Just don't make the jokes "too Wellington." [Image: Getty]

High-school student Emma Sullivan has decided not to follow her principal's orders and write an apology to the Republican governor of Kansas, Samuel Dale Thinskin Crybaby Brownback, for tweeting that he #blowsalot. She was only speaking the truth. Apologizing would be phony and politician-y.

Occupy Philadelphia was supposed to evacuate its OnePercenterville by 5 PM EST Sunday. On the opposite coast, Occupy LA was supposed to tear down its camp Monday at 12 AM PST lest their tents turn into pumpkins, and their protest footwear turn into Nike child-labor shoes. But as we type this, both Occupies are still occupyin'.

When Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from neanderthal Kris Humphries on Halloween after only 72 days of wedded bliss, many were shocked. But after watching tonight's premiere of Kourtney and Kim Take New York, even someone as dumb as Humphries himself should be able to see that the marriage was doomed from the onset. To illustrate that point, I made a video of the episode's most contentious Kim vs. Kris moments, which you'll find above. [Kourtney and Kim Take New York]