Look no further: the best Christmas story of the year has been found.

By the numbers.

We’ve all been naughty over the past century, and we’re finally getting coal (emissions) this Christmas.

Becky Ann Lee, a psychic in Boulder, Colorado, has been charged with swindling $200,000 out of fashion scion Victoria Lacoste, a student at the University of Colorado. At first, Lee just read Lacoste’s tarot cards, but then she became a “spiritual adviser to work on her Chakra balancing.”

Since January 2014, as many as 83 undocumented immigrants, having fled violence in their homes countries (only to be deported by the United States), have been murdered upon their return to El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras. A Guardian investigation identified three separate Honduran men killed in their hometowns.

There are eight days remaining in 2015, and it feels like the year has left us with more questions than answers, some more pressing than others. What gave rise to Donald Trump? Who, and where, is the elusive creator of Bitcoin? And what caused a bizarre bootleg SpongeBob film to almost completely disappear?

According to WSOCTV (and Twitter), an active shooter was reported at Northlake Mall in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Thursday afternoon.

In Saudi Arabia on Thursday, a fire tore through the maternity and neonatal intensive care units at the general hospital in Jizan, the New York Times reports. At least 25 people were killed and 107 people injured.

With a new year comes new beginnings, and so it will be for theoretical presidential candidate Jeb Bush, who is now just a mere Jeb, and no longer, ahem, Jeb!

Earlier this week, Rich Juzwiak published a deeply-researched history of director Quentin Tarantino’s love affair with the word “nigger,” a word he has always used liberally in his screenplays. Juzwiak unearthed and examined twenty years worth of Tarantino’s varied and contradictory defenses of his use of the word. He also produced this video, a supercut of every instance of a character in a Tarantino-written film (through 2012’s Django Unchained) saying it. It’s a very long supercut.

As she admitted to Yahoo! earlier this year, Thoroughly Modern Kristin Cavallari doesn’t have many holiday traditions. “We’re pretty boring. Ha,” she said. But the former Laguna Beach star does have at least one Kristmas ritual—she told Us Weekly about it three years ago.

·The GOP establishment will probably learn to love Ted Cruz, a man every Republican in Washington currently hates, when and if they determine that they have no other options. (Marco Rubio isn’t just stagnant, but actually falling in recent national polls.) But they’ll fight him until they are absolutely sure they’re stuck with him. The opposition research has been coming at a furious pace. And so far, it’s a huge whiff.

Soft-spoken attempted murderer Ben Carson this week announced a mysterious campaign shakeup that definitely won’t involve layoffs, unless it does.

The United States uses up more electricity for Christmas lights (6.63 billion kilowatt hours) than El Salvador, Ethiopia, or Tanzania do in the course of a year—5.35 billion kilowatt hours, 5.30 billion kilowatt hours, and 4.81 billion kilowatt hours, respectively. Enjoy!

On Wednesday, the Xinhua News Agency reports, a young migrant worker who’d been trapped for days under mud and debris in Shenzhen has been rescued. A landslide swept through one of the city’s industrial areas on Sunday.

Turing Pharmaceuticals, from which co-founder Martin Shkreli resigned a day after being indicted on fraud charges unrelated to the price-gouging that made him famous, announced Tuesday that it will “streamline its operations” through a “reduction of workforce.” Merry Christmas!

A British imam has accused the U.S. State Department of enacting Donald Trump’s proposed ban on Muslims “before he has received a single vote,” the Guardian reports. The imam’s business visa was revoked by U.S. embassy staff at Heathrow without explanation as he tried to board a plane to New York.

Fernande Grudet, a.k.a. Madame Claude, who ran France’s most famous brothel, has died. Her clients were said to include John F. Kennedy, Marlon Brando, and the CIA. “She will take many state secrets with her. She was a legend,” a former Paris police chief told AFP. She was 92.

In Colorado Springs, Colorado, Robert Dear, the man accused of killing three people in an attack on the Planned Parenthood clinic there, stopped court proceedings on Wednesday with an outburst demanding that he be allowed to represent himself.