Here's an instructional video on what not to do while riding the Scottish rails without a ticket: i.e., swear at the ticket collector, refuse to budge from your seat, and hold up the train while in the presence of The Big Man, Scotland's newest public transportation-oriented superhero-vigilante. The Big Man's simple solution for dealing with such problem behavior involves eliminating the source by using brute force.
Sunday night's episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York featured a discussion between Kim Kardashian and her neanderthal then-husband Kris Humphries about having kids, which they ultimately decide to do. Right away!
Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.
Imagine scanning the obituary section of your local paper, only to be shocked and saddened to see the name of a friend, relative or neighbor listed there — someone who seemed in perfect health the last time you spoke to them. Now imagine calling the grieving family to offer your condolences, only to have the recently departed answer the phone with a cheery, "Hello!...Whaaat? No, of course I'm not dead, Shirl. Whatever would have given you that idea?"
MVRDV, the Rotterdam-based architectural firm that caused an uproar last week when they unveiled plans for a building that reminded a lot of people of 9/11, would like it very much if you would stop calling their offices and threatening their lives, please. Well, not you per se — because you presumably do not breathe exclusively through your mouth and have a "United We Stand" tattoo etched across your torso — but whoever has been leaving those kinds of messages, kindly stop.
This animated short was supposed to debut tomorrow night on the holiday edition of Anthony Bourdain's Travel Channel show, No Reservations. But when executives got a look at Bourdain's take on the Austrian legend of Krampus, they quickly pulled the plug. Apparently, they felt the world was not quite ready for a stop-motion retelling of Santa's "whip-toting sidekick" who "whips and licks naughty children" with his 12-inch tongue then "carries them off in his sack" — a source tells us they cited sensitivities regarding the Penn State scandal when delivering Bourdain the disappointing news. (The leering portrait of the Pope in the background probably didn't help matters, either.)
Poor middle-aged six-figure recruitment executive Gary Chaplin was only trying to be helpful and honest when he told a prospective job seeker via email to "fuck off" for being "too stupid to get a job, even in banking." Unfortunately, the 4,000 other people he sent the email to by accident didn't appreciate his candor.
Here's one way to avoid being imprisoned for life on a felony charge: Try to be in jail on a less-serious misdemeanor charge at the same time that the felony crime occurs. This strategy worked for LaDondrell Montgomery, whose armed robbery conviction was just overturned by a Harris County, Texas judge.
Disappointing(ly) naked person Lindsay Lohan and her shapeshifting sister Aliana have been vacationing in Hawaii this weekend to escape from their life burdens. Of course, Lindsay encountered her nemesis, The Wicked Dr. Drama, while standing in line for another non-alcoholic pineapple drink and this produced consequences, which subsequently transformed into strange gossip news.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno just fractured his pelvis for the second time. He'll be spared surgery, but will still have to continue living life as Joe Paterno: America's cancer-having*, idiot riot-inspiring, Presidential Medal of Freedom-less, buffed off, soon-to-be-trashed child rapist-protector. In central Pennsylvania. Where nothing cool happens, except miracle-of-lifey cow births and ice cream parties.
After collecting tips from (drunk? bath salts-addled?) witnesses and obtaining a warrant, a Santa Maria, California SWAT team stormtroopered the home of Hope and Javier Bravo Sr. in search of their son, Javier Bravo Jr. But he was already incarcerated. Which seems like something they should have known!
Well, this won't help Chick-fil-A appear any less bigoted: A Tumblrer d/b/a "Lolwhut" reports that his friend and an acquaintance—both of whom are Asian—stopped by a Chick-fil-A in Irvine for some sandywitches and, upon placing their orders, received these receipts referring to them as "Ching" and "Chong." The cashier's name: Rosie O'Donnell.
Today the gambling website OnlineGamblingPal.com dropped $10,871 for a sample of entombed pop star Michael Jackson's old hair. Why so much? Because that's the going market rate for the amount of Michael Jackson hair you see in the photo. Also, they saw the hairball's potential—as a roulette ball.
In my day, when Kurt Cobain was president and we youngsters went to college to get jobs that actually existed, the only questions colleges asked you on their applications were these: "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" And "Are you smart? Describe below." Life was simple then.
Thanks to a juror who tweeted some nonsense about shitty coffee, broken hearts, and—most importantly—being a juror, convicted Arkansas murderer Erickson Dimas-Martinez will escape lethal injection, at least for a while longer. Twitter saves lives!
As part of the new editorial changes around here, I won't be writing on this site anymore come 2012. It's too bad! I've really enjoyed writing here—the writers are very talented, I was permitted to write about anything I wanted, and the audience is huge. But new leadership brings new plans.
Are you one of those Christmas revelers who goes absolutely bonkers the second December rolls around? There's nothing quite like those bright lights of Christmastime, but some have a tendency to overdo it on the holiday cheer.
