Stringy-haired beer koozie Kid Rock has officially thrown his support behind Mitt Romney. Like two peas in a pod, these two. And while it's no Anthrax endorsement, Michigan is up for grabs and I guess an endorsement from a Detroit-native could help.

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

This star ruined an Oscar party when she drunk dialed her recent ex and found out he was with another woman. This celeb hates his famous brother-in-law, this couple has really loud sex on set, and this tween got busy under a table at an Oscar party. Maybe that is what our first star was crying about.

I'm feeling pretty special this morning, because I received a personal invitation from Malcolm Sykes, CEO of SocialMeter.org (which "allows members to meet and build professional relationships while contributing to charitable causes"), to have dinner with the one and only Mr. Barack Obama, president of the USA.

Remember vocal fry, the hot new linguistic fad for women? It's this really interesteeeaaaaaaaaang speech pattern in which people draw out and sometimes "croak" the end of a word.

Gather round Grandpappy Romney, kids, and he'll tell you all about the day of the great Golden Jubilee, the 50th anniversary of the American automobile and a landmark event in Detroit history.

Bless this great tradition of parents exploiting their children coming out of an anesthesia-induced haze. Bless them, every one.

Lots of people in America have lately found themselves unable to pay their mortgages. Approximately 1% of the loans in foreclosure in America are for more than $1 million. For that (relatively) fortunate—let's just call them, I don't know, the 1%—it takes a lot longer to get kicked the hell out. The WSJ reports:

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: GWAR.

At the end of a rant against the liberal machinery of Hollywood on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert expressed his annoyance with the many product tie-ins being used to promote the new animated film the Lorax. Colbert expressed his feelings in Seussian verse and it was magnificent.

I'm going to go with a resounding YES. I don't have the energy to fact check the entire thing, but something tells me this line at 1:52 might not actually be true: "When your obese brothers and sisters get stuck on the stairway on 9/11 preventing fit people from getting through and surviving you make it part of my business."

Boy were Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum up to some crazy stuff this weekend. Romney couldn't get out of his own way in Michigan, apparently he thought mentioning all the cars his wife drives and all his NASCAR team-owning buddies would help him not seem like an elitist. And Rick Santorum railed against college because being dumb is preferable now. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart broke it all down.

... at stealing vast amounts of their constituencies' money. The 70 richest lawmakers in China are worth an estimated $90 billion dollars, according to Bloomberg News. They made $11 billion over the past year. How does that compare to their US counterparts, who aren't exactly slacking in the whole "using Congress as a way to fatten their already gigantic wallets" scheme?

In the USA and England, punk now exists solely to sell sneakers and sunglasses. In Southeast Asia, however, it exists to tell overbearing regimes to go fuck themselves.

It was bad enough living next to a superfund site with limited subway access, but now these neo-Nazis prowling the streets are really making life in Greenpoint unappealing. Right next to the vegan bakeries and rockabilly barbers, wafting in like the stench of rotten pirogis, a group of misguided Polish youth are embodying the worst stereotypes of their homeland.

Dror Barak, 38, was found dead Saturday night of an apparent suicide. A former Israeli military trainer who achieved stardom under the name Roman Ragazzi, Barak hadn't been active in porn since 2008. He left the industry to concentrate on a fitness company he founded.

My career as a personal-lubricant pitchman started with a favorited tweet on Stellar that linked to Amazon where, for just $1,495, anyone could purchase a 55-gallon drum of Passion Natural water-based lubricant (and save 46 percent off list!).

Amy Boatwright is one of the owners of Secret Room Events, "Hollywood's Most Exclusive Product Placement Company." She had minor acting roles on films such as "The Third Wheel" and "Even Money." She's run celebrity gifting suites in conjunction with the Academy Awards for years. She is upset with us.

Heidi Leigh, and her "Buppets" are quickly taking off. Oh you know, Buppets, the literal coming together of the word "boob" and "muppet," personified in a tit dressed up as a human.

Last Thursday, Artie Hughes was out on his Long Island deck with his wife, relaxing and enjoying the unseasonably warm weather, when suddenly shit from an airplane lavatory rained down on their faces.