For a while we had a recession. Then we had a "recovery." Now, we're just sort of floating along in the Economic Maybe Zone. Just believe whatever you want. Are we all doomed to crash again?

We received a very disgruntled Gawker solicitation from one angry (presumably) Russian man. Below you will find Google Voice's interpretation of the voicemail's transcript. Your guess, Google Voice, is as a good as ours.

While ratings were up for what some consider History's Worst Oscars that doesn't mean it's a big winner. No, it seems like the Grammys telecast just a few weeks ago scored an even bigger audience.

A high school student accused of shooting five students at Chardon High School in Chardon, Ohio, this morning has been identified as a student named Thomas "T.J." Lane. The attack this morning injured four students and killed one, 16-year-old Daniel Parmertor.

The New York Times' "Room For Debate" is an entrancingly dumb recurring feature in which they get a handful of vaguely qualified people to opine on various important questions such as, today, "Are People Getting Dumber?" As we have done before, we now offer our own perspectives on an issue of substance: "Am I Smarter Than You?"

A study in speed meme-ing: In under 24 hours, Angelina Jolie's dramatic right leg has taken over the internet. As we speak, America's most powerful meme factories are pumping their pistons as fast as they can: What if Angelina's leg had a Twitter feed? What if it got peppersprayed? What if she showed both her legs? What should we call it? Jolie-ing? Angelegging? What if Al Roker did this pose?

America's screaming, LOLCat conscience has finally found a suitable outlet in Hank, a Virginia cat that is running for Senate. Hank, an independent, is running against former Virginia governors George Allen and Tim Kaine. If you're feeling inspired, you can sign up to be one of Hank's volunteer phone bankers here, and then you can seek psychological help elsewhere.

Julian Assange took some time from his busy television production schedule to leak internal emails the hacktivist collective Anonymous had stolen from a private intelligence firm. The leak is lame, but the new Wikileaks-Anonymous publishing partnership might prove promising.

Inspired by BlackBerry, Gawker commissioned former staff writer Richard Lawson to relay his boldest experience, and here it (they) is (are). Read his original, Northeast-spanning essay below to discover how '90s pop-punk outfit The Offspring and Menopause: The Musical altered the course of his life.

Used to be that community college was only for regular folks. The rich folks sent their kids to regular four-year colleges, unless their kids were major fuck-ups. You know who I'm talking about. But ever since the economy crashed and community colleges became competitive and the traditional middle class of colleges died off, even regular rich kids are showing up in community colleges. And, outrageously, they expect their school not to suck.

This actress was sobbing backstage at the Oscars because she didn't win an award. This actor wants to give an aging diva a TV show, this rapper scored drugs off his now-dead girlfriend, and this actress had an author beaten up because he was going to write a book about all the men her famous husband slept with. Now that is poor sportsmanship.

Just when you thought the kids had discovered every possible way to ingest alcohol, they went ahead and started soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them up their rectums.

The remarkable thing about Mitt Romney's foot-in-mouth moments is that Mitt Romney's foot-in-mouth moments almost always have to do with Mitt Romney admitting that he is dreadfully, dreadfully wealthy. Romney, for example, is "not concerned about the very poor." His wife Ann, for example, drives "a couple of Cadillacs."

David Novak is the CEO of Yum! Brands, the company that owns KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut. He is the man most directly responsible for populating the world with fast food restaurants. He is also a horrible date:

CNN reports that at least four students were injured in a high school shooting in Chardon, Ohio, this morning. The school has been evacuated and a suspect is in custody:

Sure, last night's Academy Awards were the worst Oscars ever. But that doesn't mean we were deprived the always-glamorous faces of the silver screen. Happy faces, sad faces, faces incapable of emotion due to injections—they're all here for your perusal.

As someone who loves the Oscars, movies, and awards shows in general, I have to say that this year's ceremony was the most boring in modern memory. It seemed like the whole night was mired in Billy Crystal's mediocre nostalgia and nothing got to shine, except Meryl Streep, which shouldn't be a surprise at all.

I don't know either but it was. Here's her acceptance speech.

I'm still not wild about incorporating live performance but it still works.

This is up for debate, people: Is this some kind of tape-and-shadow optical illusion, or is this a bona fide nip slip?