On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a break from dreading Mitt Romney's inevitable candidacy to examine some incredible archaeological findings, specifically an ancient Babylonian text which may include the world's oldest 'yo mama' joke. He really had fun with it.

NPR's The Salt blog picked up on a very NPR story about a Seattle public plot turned "food forest," where citizens will be encouraged to make friends with one another while frolicking and foraging for luscious, free fruits.

In a blistering article published on the website of UK magazine The New Statesman, journalist Kapil Komarredi accuses Julian Assange and Wikileaks of playing a role in stunting democracy in Belarus with the help of noted crazy person Israel Shamir.

While debating the Blunt Amendment on the floor of the US Senate, California's Barbara Boxer quoted a bit from an episode of the Daily Show that aired last month. So what if her rendition of the bit was long, rambling and totally didn't do justice to Stewart's material?

The Senate rejected an amendment today that would have vastly expanded so-called conscience objections to the Obama administration's health care law.

Principal Dorothy Bond of Haywood High School was not a good choice to lead the pep rally. During a recent meeting with students, she allegedly pointed to a bunch of gay students and told them they were going to hell. She also made sure that pregnant students were aware that their lives were over.

Listen to that pleasant accent. Note his charming and overall laid back demeanor. Who WOULDN'T want to get trapped in a k-hole with this guy? And you get to do it for science and the benefit of mankind. It wouldn't be the first time previously banned street drugs are thought to have a positive effect on depression.

The Boston Globe has reported that last year members of the Mormon Church posthumously baptized Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter captured and killed in Pakistan in 2002, allegedly by 9/11 plotter Khalid Sheik Mohammed.

Downton Abbey creator Julian Fellowes has finished production on a four-part miniseries called Titanic, which will premiere on ABC this April.

ABC News points us to an editorial that claims nearly 10% of medical students in the UK, up from 6% in 2006, know someone who has participated in sex work in an effort to pay off the rising cost of medical school.

Ciao, chatter-nistas! Ready to chat about the stuff that really matters in life? No? Excellent! Then I'm sure you'll want to chatter about matters that don't matter instead—like the matter-free happenings on the latest episode of Project Runway All Stars. We're live-blogging the show in the comments, so why not join us?

Canadian pop gremlin Justin Bieber turned 18 today, much to the delight of thousands of creepy older women who made jokes about having sex with him on Twitter. Now is a good time to take a definitive look back at the 18 years that made Justin Bieber a star.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy was forced to seek refuge in a bar after a crowd grew increasingly hostile, the BBC reports. Carla Bruni's husband had been campaigning in the Basque town of Bayonne when he was met by hundreds of angry protesters who shouted boos and threw eggs at him. Riot police were needed to guide Sarkozy into the local pub.

Walt Disney World has pulled the plug on its latest themepark attraction, at least temporarily, following complaints that it promoted bullying.

The bomb squad has been called in to investigate a suspicious package at Rush Limbaugh's home in Palm Beach, Florida.

Republican Senate hopeful Barry Hinckley recently debuted an ad today in which his cute 5-year-old son Hudson explains the economy. Today Fox News host Neil Cavuto invited the father-son duo on his TV show, where the toddler ventriloquism took a horror movie turn.

Almost three years ago, after writing a Gawker post in which I casually referred to the neo-Nazi Holocaust Museum shooter James von Brunn as a "right-wing extremist," a got a voicemail message from Andrew Breitbart. He was angry.

As part of our ongoing inquiry into the filthy elite of New York's food and restaurant scene, today we present annotated Health Department report cards for the least sanitary restaurants that also have Michelin stars.

The message boards of UrbanBaby.com are home to some of the most self-loathing, wealthy, haughty, and miserable parents in all of America. Or are they? Even to our keen internet eyes, it is sometimes impossible to tell whether an UrbanBaby poster is a rich person, or a troll impersonating a rich person. Can you help?

In her ongoing plight to transform herself into the hungover older sister of a Treasure Troll doll, Ke$ha has removed a swath of hair from her head and replaced it with metal studs.