You've already read Richard Lawson's opus on the subject...now prove to the world that you, in fact, are the King or Queen of Boldness, by sending your 500-word essay/blog post/epic poem/manifesto to Gawker at contests@gawker.com with "My Boldest Experience" as the subject line. The best (funniest, most compelling, least lame) of the bunch will be published here on Gawker, and then you can revel in that particular glory and gloat to all of your friends who have Internet access. And you'll win $100 AMEX gift card with which to buy things.

Richard Cebull, chief U.S. district judge of Montana, has issued an apology for sending an email that equated interracial sex with bestiality and accusing Barack Obama's mother of having sex with a dog. In an open letter on official court letterhead, Cebull writes,

Here's a fun document published by transparency website Public Intelligence: An 84-page handbook the Candian Border Services Agency uses to identify gangs and felons based on their tattoos.

I recently came to terms with the fact that, if I ever have babies, I will probably give them ridiculous names. (Elbow Macaroni O'Connor.) This is because I lack self-determination and thus am perpetually at the mercy of pointless trends, and also because people with cool names are actually cooler than the rest of us. I am certain of this because, as a young female with a lame old lady name, I am human evidence of the inverse of this principle.

Something serious and sad is threatening the greatest sociological experiment of our time: couples. Yes, it seems like everyone is paired up and Snooki is even expecting Jersey Shore's first virgin birth. Haha. Just kidding. Snooki's no virgin. And Situation got Vinny pregnant when he touched the smush bed anyway. That was the first.

"Did you see that? Megan, did you see that!" Yes. We all saw that.

Russian baby-swinging yoga guru Lena Fokina is back, this time with a video for Barcroft Media (Does that mean she got paid to do it?) in which the taut-bodied baby-tosser swings a crying infant upside down and over her head. And with that, I hereby end our Lena Fokina coverage, hopefully forever. We're just watching a crazy lady torturing babies, now. [Barcroft Media via Buzzfeed]

This comedian got out of a speeding ticket by making a rather funny joke at the cop's expense. This actress was abused as a child and now likes when her boyfriends get rough. That's no laughing matter.

The public relations industry is full of whores. Sometimes, they get themselves confused with the rest of the world. We present one of those instances, below. This is PR Dummies. Flackery's worst, every week.

Though some outsiders believe that the culture of wealthy Los Angeles residents is outrageous, the "maternity concierge" team of Ellie Miller and Mellissa Gould disagrees. "Nothing is outrageous to us," they say. They are "maternity concierges." Nothing is outrageous to them.

Bad news: A doctor at Mayo Clinic has come up with a new disease: "sitting disease," which is caused by too much inactivity and can increase your risk of cardiovascular disease, much like smoking. To offset the ill effects of sitting all day, he recommends one of those standing desks which, while extending your life, are as aesthetically appealing as that mask Kobe Bryant is wearing these days. (Dr. James Levine, who invented—er, discovered sitting disease works on one of those treadmill desks.)

There are, in theory, emotionally stable adults who happen to be virgins and are capable discussing their virginity without humiliating themselves. Unfortunately, the humiliation-prone virgins on TLC and in the "Femail" section of The Daily Mail are constantly drowning the normal ones out.

Last week, I shared with you this demented drawing my little brother made when he was six years old, and asked for submissions of your most terrifying and otherwise surreal childhood drawings. You did not disappoint.

The children of Colfax Elementary school in Denver thought they were just going to hear their boring old Governor, John Hickenlooper, talk about reading. Instead, he made a hilarious blooper, introducing his Lt. Gov. Joe Garcia as a 'rising sex star' at a literacy event on Wednesday.

The official fourth grade curriculum in the Los Angeles school system includes one exercise in which students pair up, one of them puts on a blindfold, and the other hands them things, and they describe the things, in order to learn about using all of their senses and whatnot. PERFECTLY REASONABLE. But administrators have now cancelled that exercise for good. Why?

Whine-aggregating service Yelp went public today, and is currently trading at $24.60 a share, which values the company at around $1.43 billion, according to Reuters. If this IPO were a Yelp listing, there would be a bunch of reviews like: "Not a bad IPO when you're drunk at night and nothing else is open, but WAY WAY WAY over-priced for what you get."

What is undisputed is this: W. Bryan Jennings, an investment banker with Morgan Stanley, got a cab to drive him from his office in Manhattan back to his home in Darien, Connecticut. In Darien, Jennings proceeded to pull out a pen knife and stab the driver in the hands. Why?

It happened, Nancy. Just accept it already.

Lindsay Lohan is hosting Saturday Night Live this week and stopped by Jimmy Fallon's show to make sure everyone knows about it. Before reminiscing about the classic Debbie Downer sketch that they all giggled through during her first hosting appearance, Lohan talked about how she ended up doing the show this time around. Turns out, she hounded Lorne Michaels until he said yes.

Jon Hamm stopped by the Late Show with David Letterman tonight to ostensibly promote his new film Friends with Kids, but the conversation turned, naturally, to Mad Men, which premieres in just over three weeks. Who's excited?