It's so simple, babies will swoon. "Boyfriend," the first single from Justin Bieber's upcoming third full-length, Believe (a silly made up word derived from the real word "Belieber"), opens with an eerie birdcall and stark 808 clap. Then Bieber's increasingly present rapping alter-ego, Swaggy Doo (not his actual moniker, but it should be), competently says nothing and mentions eating fondue by the fire. The whatever-ness of these eight bars only makes the resulting hook that much grabbier. Saying hello to falsetto is a joy – a magically mature Bieber sounds as assured as Justin Timberlake or Robin Thicke as he floats over pairs of brusque acoustic-guitar chords in a plea that manages to be anthemic and low-key.

Above is the Mad Men Season 5 premiere moment that had everyone talking immediately (never change, Internet, except to update yourself every few seconds). It's the performance of "Zou Bisou Bisou" (originally performed by Gillian Hills in 1960) by Don Draper's wife, Megan (Jessica Paré) at her husband's 40th surprise party. It was such a highlight that a callow shut-in would have been able to identify it as such.

Advertising is the industry that people who were not lucky enough to get actual "creative" jobs end up in. These people—creative people whose artistic or literary dreams did not work out, often due to economic forces far beyond their control—find themselves in a position in which they are obliged to use their creative talents for purely commercial ends. Selling soap, so to speak. This causes quite a bit of cognitive dissonance. These people therefore expend quite a bit of time and effort justifying the position they find themselves in, in life. (As do we all!) Having justified their position to themselves, they seek to bolster their justification by attracting others like themselves into their same field. The more creative artists who do advertising for a living, the more of a real, justifiable, creative career it must be. They therefore use their considerable creative talents to sell the field of advertising itself, to their peers.

Guys, guys, guys: have you heard those rumblings about a mysterious "new commenting system" that's set to take hold here in the near future? Welcome to Phase 1, which requires you to re-log-in to take the first steps of the journey. Here are some questions you may have:

Apologies if you've just barely digested your breakfast, but the economy is dying, you unfeeling bastard, and a murdered bunny* is the only way to truly understand it.

According to a new WSJ survey of executive pay here in the US of A, Hooverville capital of the Western Hemisphere, CEOs of some of the world's biggest companies are being underappreciated, when it comes to the height and breadth of the pile of doubloons they are awarded at the conclusion of the fiscal year.

OK, so, nothing is official yet, but Miley fans are abuzz with the possibility that the actor-singer could have gotten engaged to boyfriend Liam Hemsworth. On Thursday, she posted a picture of her new nails on Twitter, and her followers couldn't help but notice the giant diamond ring on her finger.

Director and science nerd James Cameron is making an attempt to travel to the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the ocean. The last time someone tried this was in 1960, when Swiss oceanographer Jacques Piccard and Navy Lt. Don Walsh spent a weak 20 minutes at the bottom. Cameron plans on filming and exploring for six hours down in the trench, which is a staggering seven miles below sea level.

Camille Grammer, the villain-turned-goddess of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, will not be returning to the Bravo series next season. There is some speculation that Bravo decided to get rid of her, but given what she told US Weekly, it sounds like they just didn't want to pay what she was asking.

Charla Nash, the woman whose face and hands were ripped off by a friend's pet chimpanzee, is trying to sue the state of Connecticut. She claims that Governor Dannel P. Malloy — who was mayor of Stamford when the chimp first escaped in 2003 — knew about the danger and didn't do anything to prevent the attack.

We talk a lot about white privilege, but what about the prejudices white people face on a daily basis? In a New York Daily News article, members of Williamsburg's white male population sound off on profiling. Of the 17,566 stop-and-frisks by police last year, 10 percent were white people.

For those who haven't seen it, here's Rick Santorum's spooky "Obamaville" spot. Alas, this is just a political ad and not a trailer for a controversial horror film — but hey, maybe with enough funding we'll get the feature-length version. Be sure to look out for the split-second shot of Ahmadinejad's face becoming Obama's. If you dare.

To many following the Trayvon Martin case, racial bias seems clear. But in order to charge George Zimmerman with a hate crime, prosecutors would have to prove that the shooting was racially motivated. The best piece of evidence so far is Zimmerman's 911 call, during which he may or may not have said "fucking coons."

The United States handed over a total of $860,000 to the families of those killed or injured in Sgt. Robert Bales' shooting rampage: $50,000 for each person killed, and $10,000 for each person wounded. Col. Gary Kolb, spokesperson for NATO's International Security Force, said the money was to help the victims and their families, and not compensation for Bales' actions.

News broke last night that Dick Cheney received a heart transplant after 20 months on the cardiac transplant list. Cheney's old heart had been damaged by the five heart attacks he's had since age 37.

Evidently unaware that you can get The New York Times on the street, an "emotionally disturbed" man attempted to climb up the side of the New York Times headquarters because he wanted a copy of the paper.

It's been a while since we heard from the "Obama's a secret Muslim" lunatic fringe, but they still pop up from time to time. Like at today's Louisiana rally for Newt Gingrich, at which a man named Bob Nolan offered this stunning assessment of the president.

Once the news broke, many were outraged by Penn State's failure to act on allegations that Jerry Sandusky was sexually abusing children. The latest piece of information is even more damning — a 1998 police report that includes testimony from a psychologist who concluded Sandusky "fit the profile of a likely pedophile."

That movie no one will shut up about is setting new records already — The Hunger Games' $68.3 million opening gives it the biggest opening day of any non-sequel, and the fifth-biggest opening of all time. Midnight showings accounted for $19.7 million of the film's take, which gives you a sense of how devoted fans of this series are.

Have you heard that video is a big thing over at Gawker Media? It's true, we watch and post a lot of videos each week. Here are some of the best videos of week, culled from an array of Gawker Media sites.