Alicia Silverstone maintains a GOOP-like lifestyle website called The Kind Life, meant to promote "living your healthiest and happiest life to the fullest, while taking care of mama Earth at the same time!" Fantastic. Well today she posted the following treasure accompanied by the above video:

Military service is compulsory in Turkey, and enlistment is denied to those deemed too sick, disabled, or gay for service. A small pink certificate listing the reason for exemption is issued; if you are gay, the certificate will read, ''psychosexual disorder'' and ''homosexuality" in brackets next to that.

Here's cartoonist Stephanie Eisner's latest political cartoon published in the Daily Texan, the student paper at the University of Texas- Austin. You can see "The Media" there, telling its lies again, about how the BIG BAD WHITE [*a bunch of arrows pointing to "white"*] man killed the handsome, sweet, innocent COLORED [*a bunch of arrows pointing to "colored"*] BOY. Oh, you media. Always trying to pull the wool over the WHITE man's eyes, to protect the COLORED BOYS. Blarrrrrggghhhhh.

"Researchers hoping to better understand fish distributions by recording the sounds they make have picked up something unusual: barely-audible, cricket-like noises they think could be nighttime fish farts." In Tampa Bay, as you probably guessed.

Geraldo Rivera has issued an apology for his insane yammerings on how the hooded sweatshirt Trayvon Martin was wearing "is as much responsible for [his] death as George Zimmerman was." Responding to the firestorm reaction his comments elicited, Rivera apologized last night via Twitter—in the worst, infuriatingly half-assed way a person can apologize.

For a minute there, it looked like Trayvon Martin might avoid the kind of horseshit thunderstorm that tends to accompany the shooting deaths of unarmed African-Americans. It seemed like everyone agreed that the police had fucked up. Fox News had only one segment on the killing in the weeks following. Not even white racists wanted to defend Martin's killer, George Zimmerman: when I wrote about the case last week, the worst response I got was from one particularly dedicated nutcase, who set up a Twitter account to harass me for not properly specifying that Zimmerman is Hispanic.

Backhanded reality TV casting request of the day, culled from a Gawker inbox:

Frank Bruni, America's Worst Newspaper Columnist, served up a hack's dream on Sunday: His old college pal is an abortion doctor, Bruni says, and once performed an abortion on one of the most vocal and angry anti-abortion protesters that plagued his clinic. Just goes to show you that things are never quite as they seem, I suppose. But did it happen?

PETA's new campaign features the Mistress of Shellack and her aptly named pooch Bizarre, whom she "saturates with love." The Dutchess of Acrylic waxes on about the joys of a meat-free life, describing her first Thanksgiving "with being a vegetarian." Stodden, appearing sans wilted husband Doug Hutchison, then informs us that the best way to save the animals is not to eat them.

A funny thing happened in a New York Magazine blog post last Friday. In a piece on Occupy Wall Street's upcoming plans, reporter Joe Coscarelli made a little mistake. He wrote:

It's like how certain Disney movies have sexy things subtly sprinkled throughout the dialogue. Listen carefully. There it is, right at the ten second mark: nautically inspired semen.

To promote yesterday's release of her new album, Madonna joined Twitter for a single enchanting day. Using the clever album plug-handle @MadonnaMDNADay, Madonna fielded questions from fans who tweeted at her and used the augural hashtag, #AskMadonna.

Jennifer Coburn is a published author and a full-grown adult. She has a 14 year-old daughter named Katie. Katie just broke up with her boyfriend. How do we know? Because Jennifer Coburn told us all. Thanks, mom.

Charles Forman made tens of millions of dollars selling his company last week. And thank God for that: It's been far too long since "fuck you money" went to a tech whiz who was at least marginally interesting.

It seems like the only person who disrobes for the cameras more often than Lindsay Lohan is Nadya Suleman, she of the perpetually occupied womb. Here she is, posing topless for British mag Closer. They've cleverly employed the old flesh-colored undies trick, so the images are SFW.

Last weekend, the Washington Post ran an op-ed insinuating that college professors might not "work hard enough," citing high average salaries and relatively low workloads for full-time professors. True? Untrue? It doesn't matter. (Except to academia [=boring].) When it comes to winning these public debates, all that matters are the "optics" of the thing. From Inside Higher Ed:

God's righteous anger against America's wanton and sinful adoption of gay marriage and predilection towards consuming Cheez on the Sabbath hath caused him to strike us with plagues like lice, bedbugs, raccoons, and skunks. Still, our licentious nation persists in viewing "PG-13" movies and huffing jenkem. Well now, god has something new for you, Sodomites.

It's hard out here for a Dominique Strauss-Kahn. First he was accused of rape, then he was questioned about a prostitution ring, and now he's being charged for his involvement. Now, "aggravated pimping" is a hilarious term, but what does it mean legally? Allow CNN to explain.

Zooey Deschanel stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and pushed the very limits of adorkability. There was a story about her "six months years old" nephew, some tales from her childhood and, of course, a ghost hunt. There may have been more but my slingbox couldn't handle it.

For many of us, getting a photo taken with Newt Gingrich isn't on the bucket list, but some people would pay good money for a snapshot with the Republican presidential candidate. And they'll have to, because as of today, Gingrich is charging $50 for photos at public speaking events.