A judge has ruled that Sam Zell—the gnomish billionaire and purposeful asshole who singlehandedly bankrupted the Tribune Co. in one short year, thanks to his own personal greed and incompetence—will be the very last creditor to get paid out in the company's bankruptcy proceedings. Dead last. Zell has $315 million of his own money at stake.

As anyone who watches Anderson Cooper's daily RidicuList segment knows, the best part is not so much the substance as when the host breaks out his signature giggle over some juvenile Butt-head-erism.

Internet grande dame Betty White joined Twitter later yesterday, quickly racking up nearly 100,000 followers overnight.

Californians are ready to claw someone's eyes out after a report from state's Department of Toxic Substances Control (DTSC) found that several nail polishes billing themselves as "toxic free," were, in fact, toxic times three: they contained formaldehyde, toluene and dibutyl phthalate (DBP), also known as the "toxic trio" of chemicals.

The GOP claims that there is no war on women, as the left has alleged, and on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert set out to back up that claim. As he explained, the recent repeal of Wisconsin's Equal Pay Enforcement Act is not at all about a bunch of men deciding that women can't make as much as they do, it's simply about how money doesn't matter to women. In fact, it only matters to men, who need money to impress women.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart recapped two big tech stories that recently broke: Google's announcement about their Google Glasses product and Facebook buying Instagram for one billion dollars. Stewart doesn't quite get any of it - to him, Google Glasses are unnecessary and Instagram ruins pictures. He's not necessarily wrong, but he is definitely old.

A nanny in Northbrook, an affluent Chicago suburb, was arrested last week after she stole $600 from the wallets of the kids she was watching. According to a police report, the children's father confronted Alexandra Donohue, 22, after noticing the money was missing. She initially denied taking the money, but later admitted to police that she had — the one flaw in an otherwise flawless defense.

Bats, America's most precious bat resource, have been dying like crazy over the past few years (a devastating 5.5 million in the Eastern U.S. since 2007) thanks to something called White-Nose Syndrome, which is not a euphemism for cocaine addiction but, oh boy, does it sound like it.

AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, and T-Mobile are teaming up with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to make it harder for thieves to use stolen phones, since you seem hell-bent on accidentally leaving yours everywhere.

A government climate report released yesterday confirms what we all guessed when we spent St. Patrick's Day sunning in our bikinis. Earth's hottest new club is America.

Poring over the court documents on ACORN, Wonkette discovered that Andrew Breitbart agreed to pay James O'Keefe and his ACORN sting video co-star Hanna Giles a combined $120,000. Apparently James got a grand total of $65,000 for his "life rights," but Giles got cut off due to "a conflict of visions" after receiving a comparatively scan $32,000. [Wonkette, image via]

California-based street artist ABOVE took some time during a recent trip to Johannesburg, South Africa, to let the world know how he felt about blood diamonds. Namely: That he doesn't like them.

Among the two minutes of behind-the-scenes Mitt Romney footage that Gawker's Fox Mole released today is a brief moment in which, contemplating changing his tie, Mitt Romney jokes, "I'll take the pink one." Buzzfeed Politics posits that Mitt's pink tie moment constitutes a "gay guy impression." Does it?

Craig Sonner and Hal Uhrig, the attorneys briefly responsible for representing George Zimmerman, withdrew from the case today.

Paladone, makers of the controversial bath plug Tubtanic, have issued a rather glib non-apology to relatives of Titanic victims who found the toy "distateful."

There are times, as a smoker, when you can't help but feel bad about your habit. These times generally include smoking around small children, smoking in front of someone who is trying to quit, smoking in front of someone who has lost someone to smoking and/or is sick from smoking. Perhaps an example you may feel even worse about: The time your smoking blew up an entire city block.

Kevin Systrom, 28, made off quite well when he sold his company Instagram to Facebook, personally clearing a reported $400 million, or $725,000 per day of work. But Systrom, described by one associate as an "ultra nerd," didn't get there on his own. Longtime girlfriend Nicole Schuetz has been with him the whole way.

In an interview published in the latest issue of Smithsonian magazine, Simpsons creator Matt Groening has finally revealed the long-debated location of Springfield.

Did you see that insane report from a questionable insurance agency on a fishy study suggesting that marijuana users are actually "safe" drivers? This contradicts older studies/common sense suggesting they're a hazard or at least no more dangerous than your average sober driver. I don't know what to believe, but I do know that I now feel less guilt about posting a song whose entire premise involves smoking and driving (it's a theme on the Wiz Khalifa mixtape from which it's taken, Taylor Allderdice). It's a dubiously scientific miracle. Enjoy the Jermaine Dupri-inspired 808 glide.

This useful video tutorial on how to purchase water from a shop in Russia is quite informative. For one thing, it taught me which country to avoid visiting.