In a fantastic troll perpetrated by an unnamed congressman and the Family Research Council, Kim Davis will attend tonight’s State of the Union address to deliver a truly, uplifting message: No matter how ignorant or rude you are, you can still get access to our nation’s leaders.

Despite the fact that terrorism sometimes happen in America, it most likely will not happen to you, and you shouldn’t fret about it too much. This message has been judged TOO HOT for the American public to hear.

Vice President Joe Biden, a man for whom every day is a living nightmare in which he is not running for president, dissed Hillary Clinton on CNN last night. Clinton is “relatively new” to engaging with income inequality, he said, while rival Bernie Sanders “has credibility” on the issue. Oh damn.

Jeb Bush’s super PAC, Right to Rise, has outspent every single one of its competitors with nearly $50 million going to ads—a fact that’s particularly depressing when you consider the ad you see above.

In an effort to ensure the survival of three major Philadelphia media properties—the Inquirer, the Daily News, and Philly.com—owner and philanthropist H.F. Lenfest is donating each of them to the non-profit Philadelphia Foundation.

Imagine the predicament of the Harley-Davidson Corporation: every paunchy middle-aged biker dude already owns your product. Where to find sales growth? Ladies? Hello?

At least 10 people were killed and 15 more were wounded this morning in an attack on Sultanahmet, the historic central district of Istanbul, Turkey. According to Turkish officials, a Syrian suicide bomber who may have been affiliated with ISIS or Kurdish separatists was behind the attack.

Jerry Hall, a former famous girlfriend and star of a hilarious reality show, is officially engaged to a slime-covered amphibian 25 years her senior.

According to the United Nations, nine percent of the population of Democratic Republic of Congo—or, 7.5 million people—are in need of humanitarian aid, including food. Almost half of children younger than five are chronically malnourished.

The militiamen who are still holed up at a wildlife refuge in Oregon waiting for creamer and tampons say they’ve taken up a new pastime to stay busy: rifling through government documents.

Residents of Whitesboro voted on Monday to keep the village’s seal, which, according to the village’s website, “depicts a friendly wrestling match that helped foster good relations between [village founder Hugh White] and the Indians.”

At least 17 people were killed when Islamic State militants attacked a shopping mall in Baghdad on Monday night, the New York Times reports. Five members of the Iraqi security forces were among the dead. Forty people were wounded.

If Donald Trump wins the presidency, he will have a job for four years. If not, he may not have a job ever again.

In Oneida County Court on Monday, Tiffanie Irwin, the pastor of the Word of Life Christian Church, in New Hartford, New York, where a teenage boy was fatally beaten and his brother assaulted in October, turned down a plea deal, opting instead to go to trial. She is charged with second-degree murder.

The upcoming Republican presidential debate just did Rand Paul and Carly Fiorina the dirty.

According to the New York Times, in her new book, Dark Money, New Yorker staff writer Jane Mayer reports that the father of the billionaire Koch brothers, whose fortune they inherited, helped to construct a major Nazi oil refinery personally approved by Adolf Hitler.

On Monday, Preet Bharara, the United States attorney for the Southern District of New York, announced that his office, which had been investigating Governor Andrew Cuomo’s abrupt disbandment of the anticorruption Moreland Commission, in March 2014, would not bring criminal charges against the governor.

According to government surveillance photos obtained by Mexico’s El Universal, law enforcement was tracking Sean Penn’s moves from the moment he stepped off the airplane for his notorious meeting with the country’s most wanted man.

After a successful employee unionization drive and a good deal of corporate foot-dragging, The Huffington Post will reportedly recognize the staff’s union this week, which would make it the largest of the recent crop of media unions.