Twenty years ago, 12-year-old Jeremiah McDonald recorded himself asking his future self questions about how his life had turned out. Twenty years later, McDonald, now a filmmaker, finally sat down to answer those questions.

"Albert Roundtree Jr. is a 6 year old rapper from South Florida," reads the description for "Booty Pop" — the alleged music prodigy's first music video, which, ironically, he is not allowed to watch.

Imagine yourself trapped, in a small room, with no fancy accoutrements whatsoever. All you have is yourself. And time. You call out, but no one brings you any Gatorade, let alone Red Bull. You feel like one of those mimes, just moving your hands around and being unpopular. Is this the end of your fitness career? Is there any way out of this trap?

Police in Florida say they were alerted Monday to a naked man masturbating inside a Jeep Cherokee while driving around the St. Lucie County seat of Fort Pierce.

Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee posted a fucking expletive and exclamation-point-laden rant to the band's official Facebook page last week, letting Crüe fans know he "[doesn't] owe anybody anything!" and does not want to take a fucking picture with them.

A lawsuit filed earlier this week in Los Angeles [PDF] alleges that California's recently enacted ban on foie gras is "unconstitutional, vague and interferes with federal commerce laws."

This is "Mexican Drug Blood," a new regular feature on the deadly Mexican drug wars.

22-year-old college student Susan Paola Fadel Correia of Belém in northern Brazil admitted to authorities that she made up a story about being kidnapped in order to avoid having to hand in a school project on time.

Have you tried to look directly at the sun yet today? Good luck finding it, chump – that thing is so far away it's practically in another zipcode.

A week ago, YouTuber bard55 uploaded a video of himself singing the Seal classic "Kiss from a Rose" to his cat while writhing around on the floor in his house. "I was drunk," he writes in the video's description. "Please don't sure me."

That's Madonna performing "Like a Virgin" last week during an MDNA Tour stop in Berlin with tears streaming down her face. Why are tears streaming down her face? I don't know. She'd performed this song live for audience in this ballad style almost a dozen times at this point, and it doesn't seem that the song grabbed her like it did during this performance. (In other words, this doesn't seem to be a cry-every-night-at-the-same-exact-part Janet Jackson "Again" scenario.)

A sweet surprise for Donald Glover fans and Tina Fey fans and fans of awesome things in general: Liz Lemon herself drops a verse on Royalty — the latest mixtape from Glover's hip hop alter ego, Childish Gambino.

America's cousin who seems nice enough but your mom still doesn't want you to hang out with him so much, Matthew McConaughey, announced on Twitter Wednesday that he and wife Camila Alves are expecting their third child. He also took the opportunity to shill for a totally chill nonsense company he invented.

After Walmart closed up shop in McAllen, they left 124,500 square feet of retail space behind for use by the city.

Not much to say about this video of this bearded, shirtless mountain man preventing his pet raccoon from biting him by spraying himself with a Hannah Montana-branded repellent, except that something tells me this is not what Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn had in mind when he invented the Internet.

An employee of the IT department at an unnamed company noticed that fruit had begun disappearing from his desk about a month ago, so decided to set up a webcam to catch the thief in action.

Generally speaking, no mischief perpetrated by teenagers is "news." Teenagers not perpetrating mischief is news. This is because—no matter what race, creed, nationality, or socioeconomic stratum they come from—teenagers are punks. Do not, however, tell this to the New York Times. They have a very incisive sociological story to write.

The Örebro District Court in Sweden tossed out an attempted rape charge brought against a "brutally violent" 61-year-old man because the person he assaulted was "a man in women's clothes."

With many parts of the country experiencing record-setting heatwaves — and with power finally being restored to parts of the Mid-Atlantic that have been in the dark since last week's storm — Rowdy the Yorkipoo has the right idea: Stick your face in the AC and never let go.

A "technical glitch" at San Diego's annual Big Bay Boom fireworks display resulted in hundreds of fireworks being shot off simultaneously five minutes before the show was set to start.