Tinglan Hong, the mother of Hugh Grant's infant daughter, has just won a pledge from a leading celebrity photo agency promising not to actively make her life miserable (within 100 meters of her home) because she had sex with Hugh Grant that one time.

"Keep your life in a positive perspective. We are not defined by our pasts," socialite Kim Kardashian told her 15 million Twitter followers yesterday.

How did the recent ruling on Obamacare change the American public's opinion on the Supreme Court? Well, the public approval rate of the Supreme Court went down. Who cares?

The Office star Ed Helms announced yesterday on Twitter that he plans to boycott the fast-food chain Chick-fil-A over their anti-gay agenda.

Near-suicidal despair. That is what many Americans have earned from this recession. Yesterday, we asked for stories from those of you who are or have been unemployed. We've been flooded with responses. Today, ten stories from economy's bad side.

VH1 quietly slipped its trashtastic Mama Drama on the air last night. The show, which throws together five hard partying mother-daughter groups to live and more importantly fight together in a Las Vegas pad is kind of like The Bad Girls and Vegas Moms Club.

After that previous post practically oozed turpitude all over my keyboard, I was happy to come across this very necessary brain bleach.

Remember the massive geek freakout over the bad anti-piracy bills SOPA/PIPA in January? (Also known as The Day The Wikipedia Blackout Demolished American High School Students' GPAs.) Nerds are trying to make sure this happens again and again by creating an 'Internet Defense League' to protect the internet from bad legislation. It must be the single nerdiest thing on the internet outside of Tumblr The Social Network fanfiction.

New photos from the set of The Canyons, the Lindsay Lohan-James Deen deep dark sex film written by Bret Easton Ellis, show us how tortured souls pretend to sleep. Is this the beginning or the end?

Move over, Allison Stokke and Lolo Jones, the internet's got a new track athlete to leave badly-misspelled comments about: Michelle Jenneke, 19-year-old Australian hurdler, who smoked the competition at the IAAF World Junior Championships last week and is now about to become the web's most famous female athlete, overnight.

Police in Idaho arrested a man last week after he allegedly posted a Craigslist ad asking random men to break into his home and rape his wife.

If you are reading these words from a hospital, chances are you either are about to or already have died. Very sorry that's how things shook out for you, but that's what you get for going to the hospital in July.

27-year-old model-slash-actress Yolanda Pecoraro is reportedly being considered by the Church of Scientology as a potential mate for Tom Cruise in the wake of his split from third wife Katie Holmes.

TLC has started airing promos for its upcoming Toddlers & Tiaras spin-off, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The show features T&T breakout/viral sensation Alana, whose "go go juice"-fueled antics include weird neck-rolling, teeth-sucking, affectedly muttered rambles that would read as "ghetto" and/or Southern stereotypes ("Honey boo boo, child!" is her catchphrase; "A dolla make me holla" is another) if she were old enough to know what that meant and/or if anyone actually cared. She's kind of like B.A.P.S. 2.weird.

Despite Richard Nixon's efforts to remove all Jews from the Bureau of Labor Statistics in 1971, President Obama is now attempting to nominate a known Jew to head the agency. And not just any Jew: Erica Groshen sent her children to "a politically left-wing Jewish summer camp with Communist roots." Will he succeed? Not if the Daily Caller's Matthew Boyle has anything to do with it.

The last week must have thrilled anybody playing Romney VP bingo. Rumors suggested Romney would pick Condoleezza Rice. Rice has never run for—nor expressed interest in—elected office, probably couldn't siphon "the black vote" away from Carlton on Fresh Prince, and her candidacy's soundtrack would be Block Rockin' Briefs '01: Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S. This week the VP rumor was about Tim Pawlenty, who is boring.

It was supposed to be a straightforward announcement that Kit Kat had launched an account on Instagram. "Drum roll please ... Kit Kat is on Instagram," read the post on the Nestle-owned brand's Facebook fan page.

It's a very darling sort of year for the Emmys with critical/Internet/real people favs like Girls, Breaking Bad, Homeland, Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock popping up in multiple categories. Mad Men and American Horror Story lead with 17 nominations. Somewhat weirdly, American Horror Story qualifies for the miniseries categories because, as Vulture explained earlier this year, "the miniseries distinction is reserved for programming that has a story line that gets resolved in a single season." This logic led the first season of Downton Abbey to be considered by the Emmys as a miniseries last year, although that was bullshit then (clearly Mary and Matthew had more heart-dragging to do — no one could have possibly thought that the first season finale constituted resolution). It's a bit more understandable in the case of American Horror Story, which will focus on an entirely different story every season, but it's still a little weird since we know several characters from last time around will return. (Actually, word is that returning actors will not be reprising their Season 1 roles but take up all new ones. Jessica Lange, for example, is supposed to play a nun.) No matter - whatever it takes for a show so batshit crazy to be regarded as distinguished is fine with me.

The student loan bubble that threatens to envelop America is a truly remarkable form of penury: your debt ruins you financially, and you may never even reap any benefits from it, thanks to our nation's horrible economy! And now, a second, even more devious peril is becoming clear: you could still be repaying your student loans when it comes time to help your kids get their own student loans.

Doug Guller, owner of the Austin-based "breastaurant" chain Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, has appointed himself the mayor of Bankersmith, Texas after purchasing the one-horse, two-acre ghost town for a bargin basement price through Craigslist.