A seductive magazine cover of a woman deep-throating asparagus is so nice, it's been used twice.

For the skeptics still holding out for physical proof that the fourth season of Arrested Development was truly, madly, deeply in production: Here's your very first look at the set of the revived show's first episode, courtesy of Michael Bluth himself.

Mike Judge's cult sci-fi comedy Idiocracy could be getting a spin-off series or possibly even a prequel if Terry Crews has anything to do with it.

Earlier this summer, we brought you the New York Times' feature on those lovable 18th century furniture humpers the Brant Brothers. And I bet you were wondering, "Well, just whose Ubermenschen are these two Junior Pattinsons pollinating today?" Thankfully, the good folks at Vanity Fair took time out from photographing Jackie O's collection of coffee tables to give these two pale shitheads another national profile. Let's dive in. After all, EVERYONE loves celebrity children!

American Airlines is offering a new service: for $30, they'll deliver your checked luggage to any address within 40 miles of the airport. Instead of picking up your own luggage from the carousel, simply leave the airport, and your luggage will arrive at your destination within four hours.

"I wrote the song Perfect Bitch about Kim," Kanye West tweeted today, referencing the new song he unveiled in NYC over the weekend.

Midnight. Noontime moontime. 00:00 o'clock.

Drinking and driving takes on a whole new meaning in this dash-cam footage of a Russian man swerving through highway traffic in shopping trolley.

The dumbest story to come out of this year's London Olympics isn't about the judo competitor who alleges he accidentally ate a weed brownie before coming to London, or whether the guy from America's crew team had a boner while getting his bronze medal (though he definitely did, and that's alright, it happens). The dumbest story is that American politicians are now attempting to exempt Olympians from the taxes they have historically paid on their prize money. Even Obama, the socialist who hates victory, is on board with the plan. And you thought Ryan Lochte was simple?

Heh heh. "Color" can have two different meanings. Click the screenshot to enlarge, read from the bottom. [Business Insider]

During a shareholders conference call last week, "Papa" John Schnatter, founder and CEO of the pizza chain that bears his name, issued a warning to consumers that, unless Obamacare is repealed, the company's pizza prices are likely to increase.

Neil Barofsky was at the very center of the U.S. government's response to the 2008 economic collapse. He spent more than two years, until March of 2011, as Special Inspector General for the TARP program, overseeing and monitoring government bailout funds. Now, Barofsky has written a ferocious book detailing how, he says, "Washington abandoned Main Street While Rescuing Wall Street." And he's here to take questions from you, the Main Streeters.

Barry Eisler, a former CIA agent turned novelist, has put forth a handy checklist that journalists can use to determine just how co-opted they have become by the very powers over which they are supposed to be serving as a watchdog. It can help any reporter decide just how far down the road to hackdom they've traveled so far. It's like one of those online personality tests, but it tells you exclusively how much of a sellout you are.

To the settle the matter of the Olympic boner that wasn't: First, American rower Henrik Rummel was celebrated for appearing to have a "giant boner" after he won the bronze. Then, on Reddit, he demurred, claiming that the sculpted outline visible through his rower's shorts was actually his flaccid, unerect member. This revelation prompted some august personages—including former Gawker editor Choire Sicha and current Gawker editor A.J. Daulerio—to pronounce Rummel's cock really big, if that's what it looks like during the off-season. This is hogwash. Here's proof that Rummel's cock is just a regular old cock.

America's Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne announced yesterday she is quitting the show because, she claims, NBC decided her son Jack was not fit to serve in a fake army.

For a detailed analysis of Sarah Palin's Supergirl outfit you see here, I turn things over to our Gawker Fashion Correspondent, Fake Michael Kors. What say you, Queen Tangerine?

A Fort McCoy, Florida woman who engaged deputies in a high-speed chase down County Road 318 excused her behavior by saying she was driving topless and needed to get home to surprise her boyfriend.

Courtesy of Entertainment Weekly comes the first official image from Steven Spielberg's Abraham Lincoln biopic, featuring Daniel Day-Lewis as the 16th president of the United States.

To celebrate the opening of its second location, Wendy's Japan has added a line of "premium" ocean-themed food items to its fancy fast food menu.

The world was very excited to meet Michael Phelps' rumored girlfriend Megan Rossee when she stepped out with him in London on Monday night and now, after a cursory Googling of her name, the world has decided it hates her.