Members of the truculent Westboro Baptist Church remained defiant yesterday in the face of a newly signed law restricting their ability to protest military funerals.
"Write down anything funny that comes to your head; don't be lazy."
Imagine if you lived with a teenager who went out every night drinking and killing and entering crawl spaces where they could become trapped.
In the fabled "golden age" of America, parents were able to rest easy knowing that their kids would have good schools to attend, safe neighborhoods in which to play, and ample cholesterol-enriched food to consume as they grew. No more. Schools are hell; parks are weed-infested; and children just like yours are eating food severely lacking in precious cholesterol. Is your child's internal reserve of cholesterol at risk?
Walt Wawra, a police officer from Kalamazoo, Michigan, was vacationing in Calgary, Alberta, with his wife Debbie when he encountered a situation that made him reach for his off-duty handgun.
Lots of speculation at this point, but here's what we know: Rupert Sanders met with his estranged model wife Liberty Ross earlier today. The building where they met has offices inside, and apparently two of those offices are rented by professional marriage counselors. Yesterday, Ross was seen walking around without her wedding ring, and later that day she was seen standing near an unidentified man who was holding a phone.
Mitt Romney got a bit confused earlier today over the pronunciation of "Sikh" while discussing the recent tragedy in Wisconsin. According to the Associated Press, instead of correctly prouncing Sikh like "seek," he instead said "sheek" or "sheik," which is another name for an Arab leader. While confusing Arabs with Sikhs is perhaps not uncommon for some of Romney's supporters, it seems fair to say that this was probably an honest mistake; his people were quick to point out that the Republican presidential nominee prounounced "Sikh" correctly earlier in the week. But still, man, get it together, Mitt.
Earlier this month, someone on Twitter threatened to attack New York's Longacre Theater during a performance of Mike Tyson's new one-man play, writing, "This s**t ain't no joke yo I'm serious people are gonna die just like in aurora." The NYPD immediately requested the user's identity from Twitter but they initially denied the request.
Two "Pleasure Carts" emblazoned with punny slogans such as "getcha vibes here" and "relish the moment" will be employed by the makers of Trojan Vibrations to distribute some 10,000 free sex toys on the streets of New York starting tomorrow.
Tough luck, Gabby Douglas, Henrik Rummel's penis is the new sweetheart of the 2012 Olympics. Rummel burst into internet fame over the last 48 hours since photos of his large-but-not-giant non-boner stole the spotlight from him and his three teammates during their medal ceremony Saturday afternoon. (Rummel's penis was not awarded a medal, even though it is a comparable size to most coxswain.)
