Uh oh. Haley Barbour is writing slash fic again! The ex-Mississippi governor, who is totally not racist, recently expressed his wish for New Jersey governor Chris Christie to poke the president of the United States, in the butt area:

Some people were born to sing; others were born to act. Peter Drakos was born to win stuffed animals at amusement parks.

The privileged young people of Harvard College are not often recognized for their integrity and backbone. They made a whole movie about how Zuckerberg stole Facebook from the terrible Winklevoss twins, for instance. And just last week more than 100 Harvard students came under fire for a cheating scandal that reportedly found them plagiarizing and colluding with one another on the take-home final exam. But today, two editors at the Harvard Crimson are returning some credibility to the ivy-est of Ivy League schools.

"Shape-shifting" filmmaker Stef, his alter-ego Stefani, and a bunch of Stef and Stefani's Psy-head friends produced a Chatroulette-friendly remake of the K-pop sensation's ultra-viral music video, and unleashed the result on the video chat site's penis-anticipating users.

It's a pretty safe bet that Prince Harry has some regrets about his recent Fear and No Clothing in Las Vegas romp.

McDonald's, the world-wide leader in burger-based foods, announced today plans to open its first all-vegetarian restaurant in the northern Indian city of Amritsar.

Jay-Z's "99 Problems" has been refashioned as rap-rock so many times (via Danger Mouse and Linkin Park and there's also this alt-country cover that that irritating, self-consciously cheeky and ironically white sensibility that these things usually do). It makes sense — Rick Rubin's original production was riff-based and tougher than Tougher Than Leather. So why not join Pearl Jam onstage on Sunday at Philadelphia's Made in America concert for yet another go? One Judgment Night isn't enough for this guy.

Today is Beyoncé's 31st birthday. For some celebrities, Beyoncé's birthday is a chance to prove, publicly, how close they are with Beyoncé. For other celebrities, it is a chance to remind Beyoncé that they and she were in the same popular R&B group from 2000-2004. For everyone else, it marks the start of the Christmas season.

For its latest guerrilla marketing campaign, Durex Poland took sex safety into its own hands — literally — by arming flight attendants with vibrators and sending them aboard an aircraft to provide unsuspecting passengers with a condom demonstration in lieu of pre-flight safety instructions.

A wealthy Russian businessman who wanted to propose to his girlfriend decided to test her love for him before popping the question — by faking his own death.

"I'm a Republican voting for Mitt Romney/you lazy bitches are fucking up the economy," Nicki Minaj raps on Lil' Wayne's new mixtape Dedication 4. But is she really? While the credulous lamestream media is reporting on Minaj's pronouncement as the truth, we're more skeptical. So we've put the Gawker Fact-Checking Team (me) on the case and fact-checked her Romney endorsement — as well as the rest of her verse on the song:

A news team from Central Arkansas NBC affiliate KARK were in Benton on Sunday shooting a story about a house damaged by a fallen tree when out of the woods walked an intoxicated man wearing naught but the clothes he was born with.

Anonymous really wants to see a picture of me wearing a ballet tutu with a shoe on my head. This is the hacker collective's condition for releasing more information about their latest blockbuster leak, for some reason.

After spending many long hours perfecting a new card trick, comic magician David Williamson — whose motto is "take risks and be prepared to fail" — attempts to perform it on live television, only to have it ruined by a smart alec kid named Murray.

EXT. BEN FRANKLIN PARKWAY IN PHILADELPHIA, PA., INSIDE THE MADE IN AMERICA MUSIC FESTIVAL CURATED BY SEAN "JAY-Z" CARTER — 9:00 p.m.

RJ Ellory, award-winning author of crime novels such as A Simple Act of Violence and A Quiet Belief in Angels was blasted by fellow crime writer Jeremy Duns for posting glowing reviews of his own work on Amazon under the pseudonym "Nicodemus Jones."

Kelly Ripa's new cohost is ex-NFL star Michael Strahan. She and Seth Meyers will continue to flirt heavily off-camera.

A 'rude' telemarketer forced law enforcement officials in Mead, Colorado, to evacuate residents from several homes after he called back a homeowner who had hung up on him and threatened to blow up his house.

In a "public service announcement" posted on YouTube over the weekend, formerly beloved action hero Chuck Norris and his wife Gena don't mince words in their warning to evangelical Christians that allowing President Obama to be re-elected would mean certain gloom and doom of apocalyptic proportions.

To paraphrase the bard, waking up is hard to do.