Well then you'll just have to fire up your worm-hole generator and take a trip to one of the parallel universes wherein that sort of thing takes place.

A photographer who just happened to be hanging out by the Manhattan Criminal Court last month managed to snap a potentially award-winning pic of two young lovers engaged in a tender exchange while being brought to the courthouse in handcuffs.

When Kim Kardashian and Kanye West started dating a few months ago, people scoured the universe for signs that could have foretold the event.

A beauty contest seeking to discover the ten most beautiful college students in China's Hubei Province has come under fire for requiring applicants to prove that their nipples are a specific distance apart from each other.

As you may have heard last night, Osama bin Laden is dead, has perished from the earth, is at the bottom of the sea, and is not better off than he was four years ago. The Democrats are trying to pull a Bush on national security, inflating Obama's reputation as a killing machine and portraying Mitt Romney as a bungling softie.

You know that Halloween candy that's more trick than treat? Well, Nabisco is stuffing it inside an Oreo for some reason.

Brooklyn, a place populated exclusively by artists and free spirits and moms, is the U.S.'s second most expensive city place to live.

Speaking out for the first time since he did that weird chair thing at the Republican National Convention last week, Clint Eastwood, the former one-term mayor of Carmel, California, told his hometown paper the Carmel Pine Cone he had no idea what he was going to say right up to the moment he took to the stage — and beyond.

If you picked up a priceless Andy Warhol painting at a yard sale recently, congrats; that painting is about to become worthless.

Post-tutu, Anonymous has released a new statement about their "FBI laptop" hack. It's typically rambling and contains no real evidence that the million Apple device IDs (known as UDIDs) that Anonymous leaked earlier this week were found on an FBI laptop, as they claim.

To deal with the problem of having to tell one of her quadruplets apart from the others, a mother in China came up with a novel approach: She shaved the numbers one through four on their heads.

While accepting his party's nomination for President of the United States, Barack Obama defended his record of doing things and renewed his commitment to doing things in the future. If elected, we can be assured of four more years of things. He also has people killed.

It's not easy to listen to Terry talk about the time he had sex with a seven-year-old girl. But after his psychotherapist put us in touch, he agreed to lay it all out for me during a phone call and email, and I was enthralled the way one might stare at a man falling from a bridge. Terry is 38, a small-business owner, and deeply religious—he ends all our correspondence by saying, "Blessings to you, Cord"—but back then when it happened Terry was 20 and a meth head. He was living with his then-wife, his marriage to whom had made him the co-guardian of her two nieces and a nephew. The one niece was a baby, but the other was seven, and it wasn't long before Terry, addicted and in a marriage he calls "abusive," fell for his niece and began a sexual relationship with her.

An Instagrammed screenshot of an unaired moment during last night's MTV Video Music Awards appears to show a lip-locked moment between Rihanna and former flame Chris Brown.

It's unclear what exactly motivated this young woman to start picking fights with random taxi cabs and other passing motorists in the middle of 6th and 22nd.

An Ottawa restaurateur was found guilty yesterday of defamatory libel after she created a phony sex site profile for a patron who wrote a negative review of her restaurant.

Sure, President Obama may not have kept all the promises he made, but he didn't not keep the promises he didn't make either. So there's that.

Ten protesters were arrested during the DNC's final day, bringing the total number of arrests for the convention to 25.

It seems like someone is a little jealous at all the attention Paul Ryan has been getting. Former vice presidential candidate and forever moron Sarah Palin took issue with John Kerry's speech tonight, particularly the part where he made a joke about Palin being able to see Russia from Alaska.

I'm sure you did the responsible, adult thing and watched the DNC all night, but while you were doing that the MTV Video Music Awards were on and I watched them because that is my life. They were so stupid. MTV literally let Taylor Swift finish and she did some weird musical theater number to accompany "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." Rihanna and Katy Perry sat next to each other and muttered shit-talk in each other's ears all night. Chris Brown won an award. Nicki Minaj asked someone, "Want gum?" and dressed like La Toya Jackson dressed like a clown.