As predicted here on Friday, Paul Ryan gave a pandering, non-sensical speech to the National U.S. Sportsmen's Alliance's 16th Annual Save Our Heritage Banquet. Amongst other things, the vice-presidential candidate said:

Even after Bad Brains confirmed the identity of an 18-year-old Brooke Shields in this photo, the actress' representative continues to deny that it's her.

Johnny Depp dropped by the Comanche Nation Fair, because he's an honorary member of the tribe for playing Tonto.

A 16-year-old pizza delivery boy was arrested today for raping a woman in her apartment after delivering pizza to her neighbor.

Very unlikely Barack Obama would approve of this "99 Problems" parody remix — it does put words in the President's mouth, namely a lot of four-letter ones.

Assuming for a moment that Obama had anything to do with killing Bin Laden — and that this wasn't all part of an Al Qaeda plan, as Rush Limbaugh theorized — he really should have done it sooner.

Los Angeles won't shut up about Carmageddon II, which isn't anywhere near as good as the first Carmageddon.

Today is National Coffee Day, one of countless non-holidays that would go unnoticed if not for the internet.

Yesterday's blurry bottomless pics of Kate Middleton reignited the right to privacy vs. the right to see the Duchess of Cambridge's vagina debate, but Danish tabloid Se Og Hor says they're not responsible.

The sonogram technician, Tina, is short, conservative. Her two children smile from pictures of birthday parties past, blonde and generic, proof that life in all its red, white and blue glory does go on. The younger of the two is missing teeth, mugging for the camera and aiming an ice cream cone directly at the viewer. You are not at the point where you resent other people's children, though you can see how it sometimes happens.

On top of the indignity of a 25-year marriage to Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver now has to deal with the publicity tour for his new tell-all memoir.

Influential former New York Times publisher Arthur O. Sulzberger has died at 86.

Chances are if you wanted to read contemporary classic Fifty Shades of Grey, you would have read it already.

Call me crazy, but I don't think it should be legal for adults to suck the blood from freshly circumcised baby penises. Alas, doing just that is a very important ritual for some Orthodox Jews. Called metzitzah b'peh, the process involves the mohel snipping away the foreskin and then sucking the blood from the penis to "cleanse" the wound. Obviously putting saliva on an open wound isn't considered an antiseptic practice in any realm of modern medicine, especially when that open wound belongs to an infant with a barely there immune system. Indeed, since 2002, metzitzah b'peh has been responsible for spreading Type 1 herpes, a very common condition in American adults, to 11 different babies, killing two of them and giving two others brain damage, according to ABC News.

Above is a clip reel from The Valleys, the Welsh Jersey Shore that premiered on MTV UK this week and set off a "Twitter fury," according to the Daily Mail.

As Paul Beauregard, better known as Oscar-winning rapper DJ Paul of Three 6 Mafia, once said: "y'all haters shaking like booties up in a strip club."

It's Friday night, you've had a long week, and the last thing you want to do is face the weekend with a brain full of televised suicides and potentially dead dolphins.

Harvest moon tonight, so if the moon looks extra big and bright, that's why. It might also be hurtling towards Earth OMG

We turn our backs on Lisa Marie Presley for one second and what does she do? Starts selling French fries out of the back of a van.

A dolphin is either dead, alive, or dead after washing ashore a beach in Queens this morning. RIP/live long and prosper!