In the aftermath of last week's presidential election, residents in at least nineteen states have put up petitions on the government's "We the People" petitioning website seeking the right to secede from the rest of the country.

Allegations of sex with a 16-year-old boy have temporarily forced out the man responsible for voicing one of the most beloved Sesame Street characters of all time.

Remember Karl Rove's election night meltdown? After Diane Sawyer's probable drunkenness, it made for the night's best TV. Now The Simpsons have mocked the breakdown in in their famed opening credits.

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor stopped by Sesame Street last week to offer young girls and boys some dream shattering-career advice, which basically boils down to: you'll never, ever be a princess, so start studying for law school now. The clip is actually adorable, and shows Sotomayor defining, in very kid friendly language, what exactly a career is ("a job you train for, or prepare for and plan on doing for a long time") and explaining various acceptable, non-princess job options, which are, "a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, and even a scientist." Even a scientist!

Still confused about the Petraeus affair? Reuters assembled a convenient timeline just for you.

Homeland and now ex-CIA leader David Petraeus might be getting most of the spy-related attention this weekend, and rightfully so, but a shit ton of people still paid to see the new James Bond movie, Skyfall. The film grossed $87.8 million over the weekend, giving it best Bond debut ever.

It's been a minute since anyone cared about the great trilogy of mommy porn that is 50 Shades of Grey. But here we are with more news about it, this time in the form of sad, sexless divorce drama.

Last week, voters in Maryland, Maine and Washington state voted for marriage equality and the gays rejoiced! After all, this was the first time that gay marriage had been approved by popular vote. But just like at the end of The Avengers, there's another villan hiding in a distant galaxy, in this case, it's Europe.

Yesterday we told you that the only reason the Petraeus scandal came to light was because his mistress Paula Broadwell was sending harassing emails to another woman. Thanks to an AP report, we now know who this woman is.

Crying is only natural, but only for humans, says The New York Times in their super academic op-ed, "I Cry, Therefore I Am." Michael Trimble, the author of the teary piece in question, is an emeritus professor of behavioral neurology and a consultant neuropsychiatrist at the Institute of Neurology, University College London.

Paul McCartney almost died. That would leave Ringo as the last Beatle standing. Eep.

Now that President Obama has been reelected, we can focus on more important things like the 2016 presidential race. The big question on everyone's mind right now is whether or not Hillary Clinton will run in the next election. She told Obama a long time ago that she would not return to serve as Secretary of State in the President's second term. So what is a former first lady and Senator to do with a bunch of time off?

If you're General David Petraeus, you're probably not having a very relaxing Sunday morning. And if General Petraeus was tuning into Fox News this morning, he's probably having a bit less of anything resembling a good morning.

Brunching with your best friends is supposed to be the best part of your sad and hopeless existence, but sometimes, doing Sunday brunch is hard work. You will surely have to wait in a very long line. After finally getting seated, you will be given terrible service because the restaurant is just way too busy. These two things make the meal very long and you might run out of things to talk about very quickly. Use this cheat sheet and your friends might start calling you queen bloody mary.

D.G. Myers, a literary blogger for Commentary magazine, was fired by editor John Podhoretz under murky circumstances last week. Myers alleges that he was given the axe because of a post he wrote called "The Conservative Case For Gay Marriage". He says that his editors at the neocon magazine, specifically John Podhoretz, weren't too keen to the his new ideas in the wake of Tuesday's election.

Anne Hathaway hosted SNL last night and did a total 180 from her hosting gig at the 2011 Oscars. At those awards she was stiff and awkward, but last night, Obama's favorite Catwoman was funny and charming.

What looks like a solid block of gray on the front page of the Hamilton Spectator resolves, when enlarged, into thousands and thousands of names of the war dead. Tomorrow is Remembrance Day in Commonwealth nations, and Veterans Day here in the U.S., and each commemorates the end of World War I and more generally all those who served. I'd hope for something similarly powerful from an American paper tomorrow, but I'm not sure any have the space.

Since the election, Mitt Romney has lost one Facebook friend every 4.3 seconds.

Don't let anyone tell you what isn't art. But I'll tell you what this art is: delicious. Ernie Button is a Phoenix-based photographer who has been thinking way too much about his breakfast table recently. He's constructed landscapes, both natural and manmade, using Arizona backdrops and cereal foregrounds. And he's named it Cerealism, a term which is so obvious it doubles back to being clever.

What, you thinking leading the intelligence agency of the most powerful country in the world, and having a boyish grin and a crop of sandy brown hair is only good enough to get you one mistress? The Washington Post fills in some more details on what led to Petraeus's Spyfall, and it looks like it's getting a little Fatal Attraction-y up in here.