What does Kristin Cavallari love to hear?

Last year, the Federal Communications Commission put in place a new set of rules that make it much more difficult for the providers of prison telephone services to charge the bejeezus out of inmates and their families. How might the providers continue with their scam? One shady, anonymous document may provide an answer.

Carly Fiorina suspended her campaign for president this afternoon, having failed to claim any delegates in the New Hampshire primary. This is good for the country, but also kind of sad, because there is so much that Carly Fiorina has left unsaid.

Today’s episode of Dr. Oz returned to the subject of Charlie Sheen’s HIV and the experimental treatment he received from a “doctor” who practices in Mexico, Sam Chachoua. Chachoua allegedly injected himself with Sheen’s HIV positive blood and more recently discussed his treatment of arthritic goat milk on Real Time with Bill Maher, on which Chachoua received 10 minutes of airtime with virtually no scrutiny from Maher.

Failed former HP CEO and now-failed candidate for president Carly Fiorina has decided to suspend her campaign. Bye Carly.

Back in August, ex-Virginia governor Jim Gilmore was included in the group of 17 Republican candidates who participated in one of two inaugural debates in Cleveland. Yesterday, in New Hampshire, he received less votes than dropouts Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum, 73-year-old retired public school custodian Richard Witz, and Democratic candidate Vermin Supreme, who wears a galosh on his head.

This was how things worked, as Curtis Sliwa recalls it, back in the heyday of the Guardian Angels, from the late ’70s through the early ’90s: In one subway car, Sliwa might break up a fistfight, then move to the next car and find a domestic dispute in progress. In the following car, there might be a drug dealer pushing his product, and in the car after that, a group of young men openly drinking malt liquor 40s and smoking blunts.

If there’s anything more erratic than what Donald Trump says or thinks, it’s the hues of the flesh surrounding his mouth and brain, that fluorescent, noxious stink-maker known as his face. In New Hampshire last night, the only question more compelling than “can he really win?” was “what color will his face be?”

Joe Scarborough, Mika Brzezinski, and Donald Trump either hung out and chatted like old chums in Trump’s New Hampshire hotel room last night or maintained a cool professional distance, according to conflicting reports from CNN and Scarborough himself.

Goldman Sachs is a Very Sophisticated Wall Street Firm which is paid a good deal of money for its expertise in reading the financial markets. How is that going this year?

Once upon a time, technical presidential candidate John Kasich did something not boring and kind of funny, if you can even believe it. He tried to get onstage at a Grateful Dead show in 1991 and when that didn’t work, he threatened to blacklist the band.

Fresh off his New Hampshire victory, Bernie Sandwiches joined the women of The View to talk politics, taste the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream named after him, Bernie’s Yearning, for the first time (he likes it!), and, most enjoyably, to gossip about his fellow Presidential hopefuls.

I just got back from several days in New Hampshire, attending political rallies across the state and observing thousands of voters in their natural habitat. What have I learned about what will happen in the presidential race? Nothing!

How boring was Ben Carson’s primary party last night? The bartender was knitting a blanket, if that’s any indication.

With whom the blame for the poisoned water and subsequent outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in Flint, Michigan lies is still being determined. But the top investigator on the case says that when all is said and done, government officials could face charges as serious as involuntary manslaughter.

Following a dismal showing in New Hampshire, Chris Christie has reportedly decided to suspend his campaign and stay in New Jersey.

Marco Rubio apparently didn’t realize how badly he’d bombed Saturday’s debate until he saw all the mean tweets about his performance on Twitter.

Despite recent cries that empowering yourself to vote for your candidate of choice somehow makes you a Bad Feminist™ (assuming that person is anyone but Hillary Clinton), New Hampshire women evidently don’t give a shit. Because last night, Bernie Sanders won with women by 11 points.

The relatively conservative state of Utah will introduce to committee today a bill to remove taxes on tampons and other feminine products, following five other states that have recently nixed taxes on such goods. Unfortunately, the fate of the Utah bill rests in the hands of men.

Vice’s UK staffers are working to form a union. Their US counterparts unionized last year in search of higher pay, among other things, and are in contract negotiations now.