If there's one thing Georgetown Prep school grad and current University of South Carolina pre-med bro Alexander Maroshek has learned it's how to distinguish between things that are frat and things that are not frat.

Everyone's girlfriend Taylor Swift was honored last night with the Best Ex-Girlfriend Award by the family whose bones will one day adorn her powder room walls.

The biggest demographic challenge of our times is this: how can we funnel the "Millennial" generation away from our nation's biggest and best cities and into some isolated holding area—a rural internment camp, perhaps—where they cannot do damage to all of the grown-ups, or make a lot of noise at all hours? The bad news is that we completely failed at this. Millennials have infested our nation's cities. The worse news is this: cities now do not want those Millennials to leave.

The only thing more predictable than the annual "War on Christmas" outcry at Fox News is The Daily Show's annual response to the annual "War on Christmas" outcry at Fox News.

A freelance photographer working for the New York Post on an unrelated assignment happened to be standing on the 49th Street station platform when 58-year-old Queens resident Ki Suk Han was suddenly pushed onto the tracks by an as-yet-unidentified assailant.

It appears as though the Petraeus affair isn't quite over, after all. In today's Washington Post, Bob Woodward broke the news that in spring of 2011, Fox News head Roger Ailes attempted to persuade David Petraeus to run for president if Obama didn't appoint him Joint Chief of Staff, telling the then-general that News Corp head Rupert Murdoch would "bankroll" the campaign.

If you were wondering how Parks and Recreation could top cameos from Joe Biden and John McCain, here's your answer: Newt Gingrich will make a guest appearance on the show sometimes later this season. What's more, the the casting was a complete coincidence. As the Indianapolis Star reports, the Parks and Recs crew were filming in the St. Elmo Steak House in Indianapolis when the former presidential candidate and Speaker of the House strolled in for lunch.

We can probably go ahead and add this to next year's Gift Guide for People Who Still Read Books: Dick Cheney is writing a book about his many, many heart surgeries (and five heart attacks). The former vice president is co-authoring the book with his cardiologist, Dr. Jonathan Reiner, and his daughter, Liz Cheney.

Michael Bloomberg tried to talk Hillary Clinton into succeeding him as mayor of NYC, but she shot him down. Poor Mike.

If this doesn't prove that you should always self-diagnose yourself with the worst symptom-matching WebMD diagnosis possible, nothing will. After four months of leaking a grotesque amount of liquid from her nose, which several doctors initially blamed on severe allergies, Aundrea Aragon went to the emergency room where, after testing the fluid, she was diagnosed with a cerebrospinal fluid leak AKA her brain juices were leaking all over her face.

Law enforcement officials in York County, Nebraska, believe they have a key piece of evidence necessary to convict a 19-year-old woman of bank robbery and motor vehicle theft: A YouTube video she posted last week in which she brags about robbing a bank and stealing a car.

Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge and future Queen of England, is pregnant, thanks (we presume) to her husband, Prince "Duke of Cambridge" William. This child will likely one day rule England, and therefore you are probably asking yourself: When and where did the royal couple have royal procreative sex? Some people might say this is a question for nosy perverts; luckily, you are at a website geared toward nosy perverts.

Everyone wants to know where John McAfee is. The notorious computer anti-virus pioneer is on the run from police in Belize, where he's wanted for questioning in connection to his neighbor's murder. Now it appears Vice Magazine accidentally revealed his location to the world—and the authorities hunting him. Or did it? Come along for the latest confusing chapter in a very twisted story.

For most of us, December 21st, 2012, will pass by without incident.

The void in Congress left by Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., who resigned last month after spending the second half of 2012 bouncing in and out of mental institutions and bars, is vast. And the bar is high for a candidate to meet the expectations of Chicago voters, who resoundingly re-elected Jackson less than four weeks ago even though he had disappeared without a word for five months and was under federal investigation for campaign finance violations. Luckily for Chicagoans, convicted sex offender and former congressman Mel Reynolds is bravely stepping into the breach.

Lindsay Lohan is truly having a terrible year or, anyway, life. The latest drama upsetting her qi has arrived in the form of taxes. Specifically: unpaid back taxes. Totaling over $233,904.

NY Times restaurant critic Pete Wells admits he is "skeptical of pasta salad." Media bias is everywhere.

A New Zealand man who lost his sight after accidentally mixing vodka and diabetes medication was brought back from the brink of permanent blindness by a bottle of whisky.

Under threat of the impending fiscal cliff, President Obama held a town hall-style Q&A today on the official White House Twitter account. Currently lawmakers are stalled out on negotiations to prevent automatic tax hikes from taking effect January 1. The Q&A's stated mission was to inform the public about the impact of the fiscal cliff — which it did. But really it was PR. "Look, the President uses the internet and is cool and is friends with Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Does John Boehner do that?"

Move over "Jingle Bells" — there's a new traditional holiday tune in town: DMX's rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."