65 years ago, Betty Billadeau and her kid brother Clifford Boyson were torn apart by fate and sent to two different foster homes.

If the upcoming Lindsay Lohan/James Deen vehicle The Canyons is half as entertaining as Stephen Rodrick's New York Times Magazine piece about it, it's going to be fantastic. The 8,000-word article reads like an exhaustive documentary on the Paul Schrader-directed, Bret Easton Ellis-written film (that has since been rejected by Sundance). It is what those on Twitter would refer to as a "great read."

VAWA died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know. America got a telegram from the House: Eric Cantor let the Violence Against Women Act die with many points between it and the Senate bill unreconciled. Maybe it was last week.

A new Pew report out today confirms that, yes, having a college degree does have some benefit: young people with college degrees did much better during the recent recession than their peers without college degrees. (One would hope!) Expect your local college to immediately begin leafletting the town with this report, as a marketing effort.

Last night, Fox screened about an hour's worth of footage of the first two episodes of the upcoming season of American Idol (premiering Wednesday) to fans and contest winners in movie theaters around the country. It was as weird as it sounds, but thoroughly entertaining. Immediately, it was clear that pitting classic diva (Mariah Carey) against nu-diva (Nicki Minaj) is every bit the genius casting that it seemed to be when it was announced last year. And what's more, Nicki Minaj has emerged as the favorite in this now-legendary, inevitable feud. Minaj wins in the category of what matters most: entertainment value. She is by far the most magnetic persona on the judging panel.

The controversial pastor who was selected to deliver the benediction at President Barack Obama's second inauguration ceremony announced this morning that he has withdrawn his participation over concerns that his appearance would present a distraction.

UPDATE 3:55 p.m. EST: Kern County Sheriff Donny Youngblood confirmed in a news conference that the injured student, a 16 year old, is in critical but stable condition. The shooter was talked down by a teacher and school administrator. The shooter apparently had "numerous" rounds in a pocket.

"How can so much fucking crazy be contained within a two-page interview?"

Claiming they weren't given enough prep time, Sandusky and team return to court today to debate the trial's fairness.

We live in a world in which wealth is distributed in a wildly unequal way. A tiny few have billions of dollars, while many more have nothing. Though the reactions to this persistent and growing state of inequality span the ideological spectrum, it's fair to say that most people consider it a problem. For the very wealthy—and their sympathizers—extensive philanthropy is often held up as their personal nod to the world's unfairness. These generous philanthropists are considered to be the good ones.

McDonald's is set to become the United Kingdom's biggest book distributor, offering children's books as the world's shittiest "toy" that comes with its Happy Meals.

Is Justin Timberlake getting really to unveil his first new single in years?

After his prized 1965 Gibson ES-335 sustained nearly $2,000 worth of damage following a Delta flight from Buffalo to Detroit, musician Dave Schneider says the airline tried its damnedest to avoid paying up.

Jimmy Kimmel had to expect some head-butting over his recent move to 11:35 PM, but it's probably safe to assume he didn't expect to be clashing with Will Ferrell and Ryan Gosling.

While trimming an Afghan pine tree in Las Cruces, New Mexico, arborist Craig Benavidez accidentally came into contact with a power line, instantly sending 13,000 volts coursing through his body.

Looks like the X Factor will have to find a new blank-eyed country ham to hurt people's feelings; Britney Spears will not be returning as a judge next season.

An artist who is covered from head to toe in tattoos is poised to come in third in the upcoming Czech presidential elections, to the surprise of many — but not his compatriots.

Actress Emma Stone and Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane — this year's host — got up nice and early to tell some really atrocious jokes and announce this year's Oscar nominations. If you were smart enough to avoid this stupid ceremony, here's what's totally surprising: neither Zero Dark Thirty's Kathryn Bigelow nor Argo's Ben Affleck received Best Director nominations, even though both directors were considered locks and both movies are nominated for Best Picture.

When a passenger aboard a Qantas flight en route to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea, pointed out that a snake was slithering on the wing, she got the same reaction William Shatner did after he spotted a gremlin on his plane in the Twilight Zone: Mostly scoffing and disbelief.

Jack Lew, Obama's current chief of staff and his reported choice to replace Timothy Geithner as Treasury Secretary, is known for a lot of things – the New York Times says he's a "fiscal progressive" with "fiscal expertise" and a "low-key style," whatever any of that means – but that's not what we're here to discuss; instead let's talk about his signature, which will soon grace all new dollar bills.