Is Diet Coke making you depressed? Maybe.

That headline says it all, really, but in case you want more info: When the sheriff's department in Alameda County, California attempted to conduct a "probation compliance" check at a home in Castro Valley, they discovered 34 pounds of processed dried marijuana and a five-foot alligator, named "Mr. Teeth," guarding said marijuana from a Plexiglas tank.

Among wealthy, developed countries, that is. According to a study from the National Academy of Sciences, Americans are "far" unhealthier than their counterparts in Canada, Australia, Japan, Britain, France, Portugal, Italy and Germany and eight other countries. But just how bad is it?

Think Two Girls, One Cup, but without the searing mental anguish that comes from knowing that no amount of regret and shame will ever blot out that which can never be unseen.

Hey, Mack. Who's the most sensual twosome on the block?

How bad is this year's flu season? Here's a Google map that estimates how bad the flu is across the country based on aggregated Google search data. No matter where you live in the U.S., you're facing "intense" or "high" flu activity — unless you live in Connecticut, in which case you're only looking at "moderate" activity (but you're suffering enough).

Japan's most-wanted hacker is also one its most brazen. After taunting authorities for months, the hacker sent them a mocking clue in the form of a memory card strapped to a cat which lived on an island near Tokyo. Above is video of the authorities capturing the cat on January 5th, which was tracked down only after they solved a bunch of riddles the hacker emailed to dozens of Japanese newspapers on New Years Day.

A judge yesterday sentenced 25-year-old Jason Earl Dean of Dalton, Georgia, to a split sentence that includes four years in jail after he handcuffed himself to a female Taco Bell employee who wouldn't go out with him.

Hyper-popular online misogyny aggregator Reddit is looking to raise money from outside investors for the first time. All Things Digital reports they're looking for around $1 million. Reddit has never been a profitable business, thanks to the raciness of much of its content and administrators' reluctance to monetize the site in a way that might upset their fickle user base. According to BetaBeat, Reddit CEO Yishan Wong is making sure to find so-called "angel" investors, who wouldn't need to have any influence on the workings of the site. Which is too bad, because I would personally pay $1 million for a stake in Reddit if they let me eliminate all of the site's rage comics section from the internet, forever.

The well-worn cliche is that there is a Starbucks practically everywhere.

Another arrow in the gaunt, stylish corpse of la vie bohème: the New York Daily News reports that a judge ruled on Tuesday that a Manhattan school's firing of a French teacher was legal, after the woman allowed six eighteen-year-old girls to drink wine while on a school trip to France.

Fans of the critically acclaimed series Arrested Development have had to endure months of teases and at least two false starts, but the good news is that all that lead-up has left little waiting time between now and the fourth season's debut.

Rockabye Baby! produces sleep-friendly covers of pop and rock — they have released, for example, a white-vinyl version of lullabies based on Smiths songs. A disc of nap-time spins on Rush favorites is on the way. Neither of those can quite match the conceptual weirdness of a baby-friendly version of a song called "Californication." After all, why expose your child to Anthony Keidis yowling, "First born unicorn / Hard core soft porn / Dream of Californication / Dream of Californication..." when you can present him or her with a xylophone expressing the accompanying melody much more gently?

New polling data suggests New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie may have exactly what it takes for a Republican to be elected president: Democrats like him more than Republicans do.

After spending a week in critical condition at the MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, exotic dancer Lauren Block succumbed to injuries she sustained after hitting her head in a 15-foot fall from a strip club balcony.

Non-Senator Rick Santorum has announced his intention to combat the Senate confirmation of Chuck Hagel for Defense secretary. There's a lot to that sentence, so let me re-state: Rick Santorum, who as a regular, non-elected citizen has no more power than you or me or Bobby McGee, is going to attempt to hold up Chuck Hagel's nomination as Secretary of Defense. Because Congress needs help to be inert and unproductive.

The most exciting public relations industry development of the day is undoubtedly the official launch of the hottest new PR agency in town: $100 Dollar PR. That is actually the name of the new PR agency: $100 Dollar PR. What's that screaming sound you hear? Oh, it is just the name "$100 Dollar PR" screaming "quality."

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney this afternoon made good on his promise to respond to a We the People petition calling for the deportation of "British citizen" Piers Morgan over his outspoken views on gun control.

Hiring a nanny is nervewracking. You want someone who's great with kids, who can speak three languages, and who has impeccable virtue, yet you also want someone who will work for free. It's a delicate balance.

Spurred by the mass shooting in Newtown, a councilman from Spring City, Utah, has drafted a proposal recommending that each of the town's 956 residents get their hands on a gun.