Last night, NBC news broke the story of an Obama Justice Department memo on extrajudicial assassination of American citizens that screams off the page with the self-delusion and pity of an abused child writing a fairytale. It is a story of calmly supervised adult violence buried under the story-time adventure of so many princes, swords nominally at their sides, who keep hitting and hitting, because they have to.

When it emerged that Lady Gaga intended to fight a $300,000 lawsuit, filed by her former assistant (and, Gaga would like it noted, EX-best friend), we braced for some bananas court documents.

Welcome to our science-like weekly feature, "Hey, Science," in which we will have our most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, theoretically speaking. This week, experts address a Gawker reader's wacky theory: Can massive blood transfusions be used to treat AIDS?

Most people wouldn't consider a bond hearing to be an appropriate time to joke around.

A Spirit Week game of tug-of-war at South El Monte High School in El Monte, California, took a tragic turn yesterday, sending two students to the emergency room with several missing fingers.

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina launched a grassroots campaign to jimmy her way onto the next season of ABC's Dancing with the Stars.

When Madeline asked her parents if, for her third birthday, she could ride the train for the first time, little did she know what happens to girls who get everything they've ever wanted.

A lesbian couple who was recently denied service at a bakery in Oregon will be getting a pretty sweet consolation prize: A free wedding cake courtesy of celebrity chef Duff Goldman.

American skier (and rumored Tiger Woods girlfriend) Lindsey Vonn was airlifted and hospitalized in Austria after suffering a nasty crash in the super G at the ski world championships. As you can see in the video above, Vonn lost her balance, and then a ski, and tumbled down the slope, hitting a gate. She was treated on-site, and then, as is standard procedure, airlifted and taken to the hospital.

After encountering yet another group of illegal immigration protesters spouting off the usual xenophobic, jingoist bromides, a Native American man in Tucson, Arizona, decides to stage a poignant, if somewhat belated, illegal immigration protest of his own.

Yesterday, America's sweetheart Frank Ocean posted a message on his Tumblr regarding his alleged physical altercation with Chris Brown last month. It refutes a claim made last week by Los Angeles County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore that Ocean "is desirous of prosecution in this incident":

It's unclear how or why Tonik the eerily humanoid poodle/Shih Tzu mix ended up in a kill shelter in Kentucky, but the good news is that he is no longer there.

"Retirement," an ancient and outmoded system in which elderly people were able to stop working without starving to death, is little more than a faint dream of bygone days in modern America. Still, many of our readers harbor secret hopes of one day being able to retire in comfort. As a service to those readers, we bring you the very latest updates on why that will never, ever happen.

Continued from Part One.

I have seen Woodstock and I have seen The Last Waltz. I have seen Don't Look Back, Eat the Document, and No Direction Home. I have seen the Maysles Brothers' documentary about the Rolling Stones, as well as Jean-Luc Godard's semi-documentary about the Rolling Stones and Robert Frank's notoriously unreleased documentary about the Rolling Stones, which legend has it you're only legally allowed to watch in the presence of both Jagger and Richards. (It was only okay.) I have seen The Great Rock and Roll Swindle as well as The Filth and the Fury, Julien Temple's two different documentaries about the Sex Pistols. I have seen that double-DVD Tom Petty documentary. I have seen the special features. I have seen the movie where Chris Holmes from W.A.S.P. slowly drinks himself nearly to death in a darkened swimming pool enclosure and Ozzy pours the orange juice all over the counter. I have seen David Bowie's cocaine skeleton doing Burroughsian cut-ups on the floor of a luxury hotel in the difficult-to-find TV special Cracked Actor. To varying degrees, I enjoyed all these films, but if you asked me to tell you my very-favorite-ever cinematic document of a rock and roll band, I would have to break down and admit that it's a 10-dollar import DVD of Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show doing a live-for-German-TV performance sometime in 1974.

North Korea, almost certainly the funniest nightmare starvation hell-state on the planet right now, has a new propaganda video on its YouTube, because in 2013 we are all vloggers, even cruel totalitarian powers. It depicts a young boy, Canon camera by his bedside, dreaming of a North Korean spaceship bombing New York City. The soundtrack is "We Are the World"; the footage of New York is from the video game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. The Guardian translates the captions: "Somewhere in the United States, black clouds of smoke are billowing. It seems that the nest of wickedness is ablaze." Sure, guys. Good luck with that nuclear test.

A self-proclaimed "ex-gay" blogger who wrote extensively for the Christian Post about "coming out of the homosexual lifestyle" was recently discovered seeking the companionship of other men on the popular gay geosocial networking app Grindr.

In an effort to boost tourism, Abbottabad, the Pakistani city where Osama Bin Laden was killed, is building an amusement park. There will be all sorts of fun activities, including a zoo, a paragliding club, a rock climbing wall, water sports, and even mini-golf. But will there be a Zero Dark Thirty ride or anything else related to the city's one-time most famous resident? Alas, no.

Late Monday evening, NBC's Michael Isikoff released a report detailing a confidential Justice Department memo obtained by NBC News. The memo, called the white paper, discusses the legal justifications for the use of drone strikes and other lethal attacks against American citizens believed to be members of al-Qaida, offering explanations that expand on public statements previously issued by Obama's nominee for CIA director John Brennan and Attorney General Eric Holder.

Last Friday, not one, not two, but three members of the MacNeil family were detained after smoking aboard a Sunwing flight from Halifax to the Dominican Republic. David, 54, Donna, and David Jr, 22, were all allegedly smoking mid-flight, something that has been banned for over twenty years now.