Stewie the Cat, who, at 48.5 inches from nose to tail-tip, was officially recognized as the World's Longest Domestic Cat by Guinness World Records, passed away earlier this week of cancer.

Normally, the last thing in the world you'd ever want to do is wake up a sleeping baby.

Mentally ill people are far more likely to smoke cigarettes. Smoke? You must be crazy! *MUST CREDIT GAWKER FOR JOKE*

The US Postal Service is preparing to announce its decision to stop delivering first-class mail on Saturdays in a last-ditch effort to save itself from total ruin.

Following an Internet-wide survey conducted on Facebook, Hasbro this morning unveiled which one of the five new Monopoly tokens it proposed would be added to the classic board game later this year.

The saga of the kidnapped five-year old in Dale County, Alabama has come to a conclusion. The boy is safe and resting in a hospital and his captor, Jimmy Lee Dykes — who kidnapped the boy after shooting his bus driver dead — is dead himself following an FBI raid.

Congratulations are in order for hopeless romantic, imagined boyfriend and soon-to-be NFL linebacker Manti Te'o: he's finally made a sound decision. Te'o — who was of course duped into believing that he had a girlfriend and that she died of cancer when in fact "she" was actually a he — has deleted (or at least suspended) his Twitter account as he prepares for April's NFL Draft.

An 8.0 earthquake in the South Pacific has triggered a tsunami warning for islands in the area.

Touré (pictured above interviewing T.I.) is a fine writer — or at least he was at one point. Now he mostly spends his time as a helium-filled talking head, floating drably across MSNBC's midday airwaves. This is a pretty cushy job, seeing as you can say basically anything without anyone giving a shit since the only people watching cable news during the day are those being crushed to death by boredom in lobbies across the country. But there's a catch: when you get paid to talk in circles every day, sometimes you'll find yourself arguing a position you probably should not be arguing. And if you're stubborn enough and your argument is stupid enough — you are on cable news, after all — then you might find yourself in the center of a firestorm.

Yesterday, we discovered that Kanye West had apparently forced the photo wire service Getty to remove a series of photos of himself in a skirt. Today, Beyoncé's publicist is going around trying to get these unflattering photos of her famous client performing at the Super Bowl taken down.

Police in Greenville, South Carolina, say a 3-year-old boy was killed Friday night after a pink gun he mistook for a toy accidentally discharged.

Believe it or not, five-time Olympic gold medalist Ryan Lochte is still a thing. The swimmer, who took America by storm last year after winning five overall medals in the London Olympics despite barely being able to form complete sentences, is still hanging around the edges of pop culture before Dancing With the Stars or whatever inevitably comes calling. What does this month bring? Well, a magazine cover, of course.

The DOJ is accusing Standard and Poor's of fraud and helping to precipitate the financial crisis. Greed is bad.

Members of the Asian Students Association at Duke are incensed over a fraternity's decision to throw a themed party replete with offensive Asian stereotypes, including conical hats and geisha outfits.

The lies in Chris Brown's community service progress reports are so egregious, so bald-faced, so flabbergastingly, blatantly untrue, that it's shocking to think anyone ever intended to pass them off as factual.

Today, in movie news, we learn that Johnny Depp will be playing the role of notorious Boston gangster Whitey Bulger in an upcoming film based on Bulger's life. This should not be confused with the other Whitey Bulger Boston gangster movie that Ben Affleck will be making after he makes a movie based on a Dennis Lehane novel that is also about Boston gangsters.

Colleges sue poor students for defaulted loans so they can loan that money to new poor students. Perhaps a new system?

I'm not sure what's more amazing: That a two-year-old Little Dude Perfect is putting pros to shame with his ridiculously precocious basketball trick shots — or that his name is Titus.

Sean Eldridge, the 26-year-old Democratic activist who last year married Facebook cofounder Chris Hughes, thus forming one of America's most powerful gay couples, has filed papers [PDF] to run for Congress in New York's Hudson Valley.

Under "don't ask, don't tell," West Point cadets were forced to keep their sexuality a secret, or risk expulsion.