When asked on hardball investigative show the View whether he would return to Saturday Night Live in the fall, Jason Sudeikis tried to evade the question. Eventually he cracked under all the pressure and answered that he has no idea whether he will return to play the show's resident normal Dad, Devil, Joe Biden, A-Hole, overzealous backup dancer, or DJ Supersoak. But it sounds like he's got lots of other options.

An argument between a Pennsylvania couple over which American Idol finalist deserved to win the contest escalated quickly, resulting in a knife fight that left the pair bloodied and behind bars.

On Thursday night, three people came one giant leap closer to making their dream of dying alongside Leonardo DiCaprio a reality, when they paid a combined $3.8 million to travel with him into space on a Virgin Galactic voyage.

The New York Post just released this image of America's Darkest Timeline Amanda Bynes, taken in court earlier today. TMZ reports that Bynes told a judge the (alleged) bong she threw out of her window last night was "just a vase." The judge scheduled Bynes' court date for July and released her into a taxi and her gray New York life.

A persistent public masturbator brightened everyone's morning on Wednesday by first jerking off outside a hospital before being chased off and then performing his act for people gathered at a nearby bus stop.

Rocky Horror Picture Show icon Tim Curry, 67, is currently recovering from a major stroke he suffered Thursday night. His agent reports that he is "doing great" and is "in great humor."

Annual shareholder meetings are the one time when activists traditionally get a chance to berate corporate executives directly, trying to goad them into exchanges. And hey, McDonald's had a pretty decent one yesterday. Featuring racism charges!

Remember Davey Wavey? He's the "globe-trotting gay YouTube sensation and fitness guru" who asked gay guys what they think about vaginas and old people what they think about gay sex.

In my experience, the Hangover movies are mildly amusing when they aren't despicable. They are founded on a clever premise (retracing the steps of the blackout night before). They relish the joy and profound weirdness that stupidity can produce. They touch on relevant cultural practices and obsessions like eternal adolescence, bro culture, the mispronunciation of words and asshole-spotting.

Two men were arrested Friday afternoon on suspicion of endangering an aircraft on its approach to England's Manchester Airport.

This video of a dachshund dentist and its big kitty client comes with absolutely no context, but one thing is abundantly clear: This is by far the cutest cleaning symbiosis in the Animal Kingdom (suck it, hippos and oxpeckers).

Don't get too excited — this is a mash-up of footage from a concert in which Celine Dion did her best Limber Louie impression to a cover of the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive," with the audio swapped out for "Get Lucky." But the synching is flawless. And those moves!

Detroit, America's most spectacular postindustrial disaster zone, is broke. Severely broke. Negative-11-digit debt broke. So broke it can't even afford to run its courts. Detroit needs some cash. If only it had some valuable stuff to sell....

Exhaustion works like heavy drugs on Mariah Carey, which is to say hashtag-beautifully, as anyone witness to her Glitter-era breakdown or Home Shopping Network rambling knows. She performed today in Central Park for Good Morning America's concert series, and the gig forced her to wake up early. "I wake up at this hour," she explained. "I don't mean I wake up, I mean I go to sleep. It's kinda the same thing for me." Indeed. Me too in that this morning I sprang out of bed, turned on my TV and felt like I was dreaming.

A major engine malfunction aboard a British Airways flight bound for Oslo caused the plane to start spewing fire and smoke as it headed back to Heathrow Airport to make an emergency landing.

Former French President Valery Giscard d'Estaing admitted earlier this week that while in office he was attacked by a panda.

A new study has found that Americans are absolutely terrible— I mean way, way off— when it comes to estimating how many calories are in their fast "food" meals. It's probably better that way.

A pizza delivery guy in Saint Petersburg, Russia, was caught on an elevator security cam selectively removing pizza toppings off a customer's pie with his bare hands, and then shoving them in his mouth.

A suicidal man in South Korea jumped to his death on Friday, falling on a five-year-old girl as she was walking with her parents, killing her.

The two men responsible for the grisly stabbing death of a British army recruiter were being followed by the British domestic security service, MI5, for over eight years before Wednesday's events.