Last year, high school senior Emily wrote on her Tumblr blog, "if this [post] gets above 500 notes i'll use a horse_ebooks tweet as my senior quote."

David Petraeus' road to redemption has reached its gilded destination. As we first reported in April, the disgraced former CIA director will join Kohlberg Kravis Roberts, the private equity giant best known for "large debt-fueled corporate takeovers."

Viewers tuning in to watch Tuesday's evening news broadcast on Greece's state-owned public TV station ET3 were surprised to see a bit more softcore porn than usual in between reports on the country's latest unrest.

I despise when people say "Shocker" in front of a statement of fact, as a snide reminder of their own urbane ennui. If something is that unsurprising, why bother saying it all, you know? With that in mind, SHOCKER: the U.S. tax code is designed to help the wealthy.

A man charged in connection with the death of a Maine teenager apparently staged the girl's kidnapping so he could become a hero.

The Velvet Underground and the Andy Warhol Foundation just settled a lawsuit over a banana, in a debate that probably could have been best solved in some warehouse forty years ago.

It's been well established that it sucks to be unemployed. And that it sucks to be undereducated. And that (in terms of socioeconomic equality) it sucks to be a woman (IN THE PATRIARCHY). And that it sucks to be white (no explanation necessary). Now, we know that the combination of all these things will, in fact, kill you.

A former senior NASA official died in the process of performing a dangerous sexual act upon himself, police in Thailand said.

After being all like this is just a one-time thing about Arrested Development, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, now says he would be "willing" to continue the series if the "talent were willing." This playing hard to get is toying with our hearts.

Good news for people who like good news about cats who like bad news: Grumpy Cat, the Internet's most beloved foul-tempered feline, has signed a deal to star in a "Garfield-like" family movie about a talking cat.

Taking selfies got this teenager arrested. We can only hope this marks the start of a trend.

The Ministry of Health in Saudi Arabia reported that three more people fell victim to the deadly new respiratory virus, MERS. The total number of deaths, internationally, is now at 30.

Why is President Obama nominating a former Bush official to head the FBI? Possibly because at 6'8", James Comey would make a good big man on the executive branch basketball team.

The exact details surrounding this overly affectionate PDA session between two women on a Melbourne train aren't known, but one thing is certain: It takes place in public.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who stopped smoking crack cocaine last week, told staffers he knew the exact location of the video that showed him smoking crack—naming two units at an apartment complex in northwest Toronto, the Toronto Star reports.

A man in Salem, Oregon took his obsession with correct spelling slightly too far on Wednesday morning when he threatened to blow up a government building's sign because a word was misspelled on it.

A woman in West Hartford, Connecticut was attacked by a black bear Wednesday morning as she was trying to rescue her dog, which the bear was chasing.

Ibragim Todashev, the man fatally shot last week by an FBI agent during an interview about Boston Bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev, was unarmed. Initial reports said that Todashev had attacked the agent with “a knife or a pipe or something.”

Cleveland hero Charles Ramsey wants nothing to do with the companies offering him free burgers for life: “I never told these people they could use my name for this,” he said in a statement.

As part of a deal to avoid the death penalty, US Staff Sergeant Robert Bales will plead guilty to slaughtering 16 villagers in Afghanistan last year. The plea bargain will require Bales to publicly discuss the attack for the first time.