The Oklahoman newspaper reporter accused of taking upskirt creepshots of schoolgirls at a high school graduation was convicted of burglarizing a woman's home to steal her thong underwear in 2003.

Tonight, at 8 p.m., 11 children selected by lottery from the 50 districts of the post-apocalyptic nation of The United States of America will battle to the death on live television, in a competition that combines the erotic violence of vampires making love in a pool of blood with the danger and unpredictability of reciting rote letter patterns from memory. It's the final round of the Scripps National Spelling Bee!

NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly today paraphrased three threatening letters sent to Mayor Michael Bloomberg and President Obama last week: "Anyone who comes for my guns will be shot in the face." Thus far, two of the letters have tested positive for ricin.

In a desperate bid to prevent police from arresting her drug trafficking sons, a 74-year-old woman from Aragon, Spain, swallowed their entire stash, causing her to suffer a heart attack and die.

The disgruntled angerbeast known as Grumpy Cat is the latest non-human entity to get the honor of a Wall Street Journal "stipple" portrait. Last week, it was Ronald McDonald, a nightmare clown that stuffs hamburgers in the mouths of sleeping children.

A photojournalist is a photojournalist, even in times when he maybe shouldn't be. Which is why when Chicago Sun-Times photographer Al Podgorski discovered this morning that his entire department was being wiped out, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to capture the moment.

An aspiring Chicago rapper calling himself "Rhymes Priebus"—get it? Like Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. Heh heh—got more media coverage than ever today when he drove around members of President Obama's press pool during a chauffeur gig he'd picked up. And with all that newfound fame came another first: The first time a conservative publication called him a slur on the internet.

Torontonians worried that their ballot choices in the next mayoral election would be limited only to "squares" who have never smoked crack cocaine were reassured today when Mayor Rob Ford, who was filmed smoking crack cocaine, told reporters "I'm not stepping aside, I'm running in the next election."

"It's not a real country club, it's a joke… It's an ironic little shitty golf course in back… You can't really make a reservation..." and more stellar responses elicited by prank caller antagonizing Brooklyn bartenders and posting the conversations on Tumblr.

"The typical household has regained less than half [the wealth lost in the recession]," according to a new analysis by the St. Louis Fed. "That's far below the estimate in a Federal Reserve report in March that calculated that Americans as a whole had regained 91 percent of their losses." Uhhh... yeah.

A young Baltimore boy who was suspended from school earlier this year for eating a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun received a lifetime membership to the National Rifle Association at a Republican fundraiser last night.

The nefarious corporations in the politically charged cult thriller The East are named McCabe-Grey, Hawkstone, and Hiller Brood, respectively. These monikers, laden with symbolism, are heavy-handed and so overtly dubious they give off an almost James Bond villain appeal. With such unambiguously diabolical enemies, there is a sense that The East might be a winking action thriller. But it's not. It's a character-driven thinker. The East doesn't wink at these names. The East takes itself seriously.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Financial stocks are booming, and more Ivy League grads are heading for jobs on Wall Street. Just your daily reminder that it is 2006.

Police in Miami say they had no choice but to forcefully restrain a 14-year-old boy who was playing on the beach with his friends because he was giving them "dehumanizing stares."

The Oklahoman newspaper reporter who wrote heartbreaking stories of families torn apart by the Moore tornado has been arrested for allegedly taking upskirt pictures of high school girls at the devastated town's graduation ceremony.

Sir Patrick Stewart, guest of honor at this weekend's Comicpalooza in Houston, left attendees awestruck after responding with passion to one fan's gratitude for helping her deal with a history of domestic abuse.

Today, the ACLU announced that it is filing a federal lawsuit on behalf of prisoners at the East Mississippi Correctional Facility, a private prison in Meridian, Mississippi. The suit alleges that EMCF is "hyper-violent, grotesquely filthy and dangerous." One example of the jail's dangers: this handwritten letter from an inmate describing his own rape.

A day after a ricin-laced letter intended for New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was intercepted by authorities, the FBI has seized another suspicious piece of mail—this one sent to the president.

The Chicago-Sun Times laid off its entire photography staff this morning in a purge that cut about 28 staffers, according to the Chicago Tribune.