When a local news interview with a great-grandmother who just turned 100 starts out with her asking the reporter "how's ya dick hangin'?," you know it's going to be good.

Today's urban legend come to life: "A drunken man was electrocuted and killed relieving himself on the third rail in Brooklyn this morning."

Actor Chris Pratt, better known to fans of slow-witted, well-meaning, beardface schlubs as Andy Dwyer on NBC's Parks & Rec, has broken out of his typecasting cocoon and emerged an unrecognizably jacked butterfly.

A new study found that college men who are not in fraternities are actually more likely to have "hypermasculine attitudes and hostility toward women," because frat bros are major pussies.

If the school bell has finally sounded for the final time and the kids are gleefully preparing for several long, hot months of family road trips and spilled frozen dairy dessert substances, it can only mean one thing: time to start your back-to-school shopping now. Now. There is no respite in this world of gloom.

Police have begun a criminal investigation into the train derailment explosion that took five lives in Lac-Mégantic, Quebec on Sunday. Forty people are still unaccounted for.

Golden Corral cook Brandon Huber actually likes his job at the national buffet chain's Port Orange, Florida, location.

A popular Brazilian musician was shot and killed by an unknown assailant in the middle of a performance Saturday night in the Brazilian city of Campinas.

Late-night violence at the site of a sit-in held by supporters of ousted Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi left at least 42 dead—nearly all protesters—and over 300 wounded, and led the right-wing Salafist party Al Nour to suspend its participation in the army's "roadmap" for transition.

The NTSB has confirmed that a plane in Alaska crashed during takeoff, killing all 10 people on board. The accident took place one day after Asiana Airlines Flight 214 crashed in San Francisco, killing two and injuring 180.

A group of six Indonesian men were attacked by several tigers on Thursday, forcing five of the men to climb a tree, where they've remained since. The sixth man was mauled to death as he attempted to join his partners in the tree. Help for the trapped men reportedly won't arrive until sometime Wednesday.

Teresa Heinz Kerry, US Secretary of State John Kerry's wife, was flown to a Boston hospital Sunday evening after falling ill while in Nantucket. Kerry has been stabilized but remains in critical condition.

This is a weird one: a veteran American Airlines flight attendant accused by her colleagues of smuggling a pet rat onto an international flight in her underwear has filed a lawsuit against the airline, claiming the accusations have resulted increased customs screenings and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Not willing to let Anthony Weiner have all the fun, Eliot Spitzer has announced plans to run for comptroller of New York City.

After White House Down and After Earth, The Lone Ranger became the third big-budget blockbuster to bomb this summer, bringing in just $48.9 million over the five-day July 4^th weekend. Despicable Me 2 debuted at number one, nearly tripling The Lone Ranger's numbers with an estimated five-day gross of $142 million.

Liz Cheney wants to be in the Senate, and she wants to be in the Senate now. So much so that's she's thinking of challenging her not-not-evil father's old fishing buddy, Michael B. Enzi, which could start a Republican "civil war."

BETTER. CALL. SAUL. According to Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan, a Saul Goodman-centric spinoff is going "full speed ahead." No half-measures, Gilligan, okay?

You gotta fight for your right to party!

Well, you can always count on death and taxes. James Gandolfini's $70 million estate is a "tax nightmare" that could end up netting the IRS more than $30 million.

This has been a terrible weekend for travel. Seriously, just stay inside. Don't go anywhere. Wait until Mercury is unretrograded, or whatever. Pack a bug-out bag. Is that what the kids are calling them these days?