Between permanently kidnapping The Roots and producing the god damn endless popular cover song medleys that every god damn asshole wants to share with you on Facebook, you might have thought that mop-headed giggler Jimmy Fallon's show had reached Peak Irksomeness. Wrong!

Earlier this week you may have read in the New York Daily News about the international adventures of Jon Levy, a 33 year-old New Yorker who spent “a year of weekends at the world’s most exhilarating and entertaining spectacles.” The article neglected to mention Levy’s extremely important side gig as the host of the “The Influencers Dinner,” a monthly gathering of self-described “influentials” (including, at one dinner, a Winklevoss brother) at his massive Manhattan apartment, which he likes to call “The Manor.”

It's called "Auto-Brewery Syndrome," and it may take artisanal homebrewing to disturbing new lows.

The New York Times reports that between mutations, resorbed twins, invasive fetal cells, marrow transplants, and who-knows-what-else, what looks like one individual person—maybe you!—is often in fact a chimeric mashup of multiple different sets of DNA. In one Canadian autopsy study, 63 percent of women had some male neurons in their brains, presumably from "cells originating in their sons."

Finally, a restaurant has figured out how to get Brooklyn foodies to shut the fuck up: anyone who talks during Eat's $40 prix fixe "silent" dinner is "forced to eat the rest of their meal on the bench outside."

Wow! Finally, proof that actor-poet James Franco is a gay man, published on his Instagram feed! "#Jamesfrancotv in love?????? #gawker.com #gay," he writes.

Now that student paper the Crimson White has revealed University of Alabama sororities to be anti-black hovels of puffy paint and pastel Polo shirts, and the school is facing a barrage of terrible publicity, administrators have finally decided that it's time to act on this racism.

Despite locking his dog up in the kitchen while out of the house, one pet owner kept returning home to find the pup roaming free.

Russia Today is a self-described “news” channel that happens to be owned and operated by the Russian government, and therefore serves as a reliable outlet for whatever Russian President Vladimir Putin would like you to believe is “news.” It tends to get some measure of credibility among American bloggers, largely by booking said bloggers on its programs (including, regrettably, the editor of this web site, but just once and he’s sorry). Which is why it’s somewhat ironic that RT has twisted the generally reliable work of Syria-blogger Brown Moses to fuel Putin’s conspiracy theory that Syrian rebels are behind the sarin gas attack that the Assad regime unleashed on civilians last month.

"Roll Call - Age/City/[household income]. I'll start."

It's rare to watch a stoner comedy and think that its director will make a great interview. But Newlyweeds, writer-director Shaka King's independent comedy/drama (opening today at New York's Film Forum), is a rare kind of movie, one that depicts lives and relationships you see infrequently (if at all, on film), and there's an urgency to King's voice underneath the weedy, mellow vibe.

As of 2011, the average CEO was paid 230 times the salary of an average worker at his company. Today, the SEC proposed a rule to require companies to report that ratio every year. What should it be? A modest proposal: 100-1.

Aaron Alexis carved “Better off this way” and “My ELF weapon” onto his shotgun before the Washington Navy Yard shooting. The Washington Post notes ELF often stands for “extremely low frequency,” which could be Alexis referencing the military's conspiracy theory-magnet HAARP or his belief in "microwave machines."

A bank customer who spotted a man with a concealed weapon inside a TD Bank branch in Glastonbury, Connecticut, thought he was doing the right thing by bringing the bank staff's attention to a potential robbery in progress.

In a move that surely won’t upset anyone, Starbucks has issued a “respectful request” that customers refrain from bringing guns into their stores. How will they enforce their new request? By continuing to serve anyone with a gun, without asking them to leave or to put away their weapon.

The homeless hero who handed a found backpack full of cash and travelers checks worth some $40,000 over to Boston Police will not walk away from his good deed empty handed.

The Man Booker Prize will be open next year to all fiction writers in the language called "English," even those from nations that forcibly unyoked ourselves from the Queen's jurisdiction. Power grab or final capitulation of failed empire? Either way, tough break for Hilary Mantel, up against Jennifer Weiner from now on.

The mother of Aaron Alexis, the man suspected of killing 12 people and wounding eight others in Monday's Navy Yard shooting, gave a statement to the press today condemning her deceased son's alleged actions and saying she is "so, so very sorry."

Beloved Leader Kim Jong Un, Mighty Nuclear-Equipped Hero King of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Brave Machine-Gunner of Justice, is really into dolphins.

Combination high-society newsletter and prestigious muckraker The New York Times turned 162 years old today, having published its first edition on September 18, 1851. A few highlights, via the endlessly addictive Times Machine: