A couple exchanging vows on their wedding day were visibly stunned when their very own pastor stopped the ceremony in the middle so he could scold the photographers for standing too close.

At least two people were arrested outside a Pasadena Apple store this morning after getting into a fight while waiting to buy the new iPhone.

Lest anyone think he’s too cool after yesterday’s historic interview, Cool Pope Francis denounced abortion today as a symptom of “throw-away culture” and encouraged Catholic doctors not to perform them.

As sure as we know the economy is going up, we know that the economy shall also, sooner or later, come back down. Whence shall the next poisonous economic tumor begin? Today we turn our alert gaze to the predictions of a dude who should know.

Among the "grievances" Lawrence Loeffler used to justify the murder of his wife Betty to police was her insistence on putting the ketchup bottle lid on "too tightly."

A few weeks ago, I found myself in the same room as the only person that I've ever physically fought. It was a fight that I’d gone into begrudgingly and for the sake of appearances—because I wasn’t going to let another guy hit me in front of a group of people without hitting him back. It was prove-yourself theater, and though two of us were in the cast, it was my one-man show.

Due to high upkeep costs, a full 60% of the arisocrat-owned historic estates in Great Britain are now open to the public, for revenue-generating purposes. Might as well go ahead bring that on up to 100%, by imprisoning all the owners.

North Carolina's Randolph County Board of Education is reconsidering its decision to ban the Ralph Ellison novel Invisible Man for having questionable literary value. The Courier-Tribune reports that at the hearing to ban the book "there was no indication during the discussion if [the board] had all read it."

It's unclear what exactly this daughter did to make her mom this mad, but apparently something so bad that it warrants the worst punishment of known to teenage girls: Auctioning off her One Direction tickets.

If there is one five-year-old girl you definitely don't want to mess with, it's this one.

House Republicans just advanced a bill that would continue to fund the government for the next three months, but would also remove all funding for President Obama's healthcare plan. If the Senate doesn't approve the bill — and it won't - much of the federal government could shut down on October 1.

Eric and Morné, the international couple that attempted to raise money to send Eric's parents to one of their multi-day, pan-global wedding celebrations, have deleted their gofundme page. Don't worry, though, we took screen shots for posterity.

A New Jersey judge who has been moonlighting as a comedian for the past two decades has been forced to abandon his bench after the State Supreme Court ruled this week that his comedy career was "incompatible with the Code of Judicial Conduct."

Gone are the days when a "brand" was just some bullshit made up by bullshit consultants who charged a ridiculous amount of money for bullshit. From now on, brands are people—just like you.

Racist sports-team names really do divide us. Before ESPN's Rick Reilly stood up for using "Redskins" and denounced the current "wave of PC-ness," Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly denounced "Redskins" as one of "the antiques of that old racism."

It just became a little harder to buy drugs online. After launching this past April, the drug market Atlantis became one of the most popular places to buy and sell illegal drugs on the Dark Net. Today Atlantis announced it's shutting down because of "security reasons," which should freak out a lot of inhabitants of the shadier places of the internet.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no horse can climb on the roof, of course, that is, of course, unless that horse is bored.

Breathy Reaganite Peggy Noonan has lived. She has stayed in a hotel, traveled to darkest Brooklyn, and even seen a Mexican. Who better to explain this world of ours—this world, a wide one—to us, the Americans, the brave, the free?

The week before his first visit to the U.N. General Assembly in New York, new Iranian President Hassan Rouhani – perhaps taking his cue from other prominent world leaders – published an editorial in the Washington Post discussing his country's “two-pronged approach” to developing a “constructive engagement” with the rest of the world.

In a clarion call that will likely rival his insta-legendary "everything's amazing and nobody's happy" diatribe delivered nearly five years ago on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, comedian Louis C.K. explains — to Conan, once again — exactly why he dislikes the culture of smartphones and why he would never get one for his kids.