"And Yeezus is the top one or two album on every single list. But only gets two nominations from the Grammys. What are they trying to say?" They're trying to say that they don't like it, Kanye.

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.) and his artificially obsidian widow's peak are running for president in 2016. Yesterday's events proved this, as surely as Ryan's continued political survival proves bros are the indestructible cockroaches, the reinventing Madonnas, the injured-but-always-starting Derek Jeters of humanity.

Malcolm Gladwell deepens our understanding of smarm by explaining that when Dave Eggers wrote the words "Do not be critics," he meant people should be critics.

"The American Dream" was a popular fairy tale of the latter half of the 20th century, featuring a plucky-but-average citizen triumphing over the circumstances of his birth in a golden-hued land of opportunity. Modern Americans seem almost embarrassed their forefathers ever embraced such a myth.

Taking a firm stand against discourteous customers, one coffeehouse has decided to charge its patrons based on how polite they are to employees.

[While traveling on Air Force One to Johannesburg for Nelson Mandela's memorial, George W. Bush shows off his new paintings to Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Valerie Jarrett, Susan Rice, Eric Holder, and Laura Bush. Photo via Pete Souza]

It wasn't really a "selfie," much less a "funeral selfie," but the juxtaposition of Nelson Mandela's memorial, President Obama's playfulness, and FLOTUS's ostensible "stern look" was too much for the world to pass up.

Uruguay has legalized weed. So go to Uruguay, I guess, to smoke weed, legally. It's pretty far away though.

The man providing sign language interpretations during Nelson Mandela's memorial on Tuesday was a "fake," according to the national director of the Deaf Federation of South Africa and at least two other experts.

Last night, Ukrainian security forces in riot gear stormed—and then mostly withdrew from—Kiev's Independence Square in an attempt to rid the plaza of the thousands of demonstrators who have occupied it for the past two weeks.

Good news if you're ever actually delayed — and terrible news if "late trains" are your go-to excuse — the MTA writes late passes for employees to give to their bosses when train service is disrupted.

Colorado officials are worried about a "Black Wednesday" situation when recreational marijuana officially goes on sale on the first January. Authorities say they fear there won't be enough state-sanctioned pot available for eager customers.

A 16-year-old boy who drunkenly killed four people got probation this week because the judge — with no apparent irony — agreed with the boy's defense that he was a victim of "affluenza," whose parents taught him wealth and privilege shield consequences. The teen had faced up to twenty years in prison.

A Staten Island mother of ten is suing the NYPD, saying that the cops stormed into her home without a warrant and viciously killed her pet parakeet.

Even Toto thought it was a little weird that CBS played their '80s anthem "Africa" over its Nelson Mandela memorial footage. "As the co-writer of the song, if I had been asked for sync approval, the answer would have been a decline," lead singer David Paich told the Hollywood Reporter.

A Texas man carrying a sword sheathed to his waist unsuccessfully tried to liberate six tacos and some gas before he was arrested last week.

[Did it feel cold out today? That's cute. While a few inches accumulated along the Eastern Seaboard this morning, the lowest temperature of all time (unofficially) was recently recorded in Antarctica — a balmy -135.8 degrees. Photo of Philadelphia's snowstorm by Matt Rourke via AP.]

George H.W. Bush, the 89-year-old former president, scratched "Join Twitter" off his bucket list today.

It's been a few weeks since the last "Shia LaBeouf gets in a bar fight with some random dude" story, so a new one was bound to surface.

To make sure everyone buys everyone the best gifts ever, this year Gawker has divided the universe of potential gift recipients into readers of our Gawker Media brother and sister sites. Previously: Kotaku Reader Gift Guide; Jezebel Reader Gift Guide