WGBH, the Boston-based public television station responsible for the beloved cartoon Arthur, has a message for social media users everywhere: Please stop making Arthur fuck.

Keeping track of Donald Trump’s seemingly endless stream of fuck-ups and “fuck yous” can be challenging for even the most dogged reporter, so it was as a great public service on Wednesday that Trump recalled some of his greatest hits at a rally in Florida—while additionally claiming he could have stopped 9/11.

Just one day after Donald Trump savagely owned the Speaker of the House even harder than that baby, running mate Mike Pence endorsed Paul Ryan for reelection, reportedly with Trump’s blessing.

As unearthed by The Hollywood Reporter, there exists a (supposed) genuine Donald Trump handprint, at Madame Tussaud’s in New York. They have helpfully mocked up a life-sized printable replica. It now hangs in a bathroom inside the Rayburn House Office Building, as you can see in this photograph provided to Gawker by a Congressional staffer who works in the building.

Once upon a time, Americans were confronted with two nightmarish scenarios: The untimely and apparently unavoidable collapse of a world economy—an economy that had inexplicably come to rely upon a precarious global network called “the Internet” and a seemingly infinite series of overvalued companies peddling nothing but buzzwords like some horrible late capitalist Matryoshka doll—and a Donald Trump presidency.

The realization that the retirement money of middle-class workers should not be invested in crazy expensive hedge funds is now hardening into conventional wisdom.

By now, you suckers have probably heard all about the supposed “controversy” involving a screaming baby at a Donald Trump campaign event in Virginia. You’ve probably slurped up all the mainstream media’s glop about the baby, and are ready to pass judgement on Donald Trump. But Alex Jones has the real truth: That baby was a crisis actor.

Workers at the Carl Icahn-owned Trump Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City have been on strike for a month. Today, the casino announced it is shutting down. About 3,000 jobs will be lost.

Thomas Friedman is a true American success story: a man who without any writing talent or deep understanding of any issue, managed to marry an heiress and now lives in a huge mansion. It’s called “capitalism,” folks.

A lot happened at Donald Trump’s rally in Ashburn, Va. yesterday. Trump was gifted a Purple Heart, leading him to say that he “always wanted to get the Purple Heart” but “this was much easier.” He later kicked a screaming baby out of the rally. But that Trump is a shortcutting egotist who will lower himself to the level of a screaming child isn’t exactly a surprise. More telling is that Trump’s speech at the rally revealed a complete lack of knowledge about where he was.

Good people of Missouri, former Navy SEAL (and former Democrat) Eric Greitens would like to be your next Governor. Now please watch him fire off a Gatling-style machine gun for 20 seconds.

Donald Trump’s rapid descent into madness this week has apparently alarmed his senior aides so much that they’re reportedly planning an intervention to beg Trump to be a different person, at least until the election is over.

Happy 300th birthday to the city of Natchez, Mississippi! To celebrate, Mississippi Development Authority executive director Glenn McCullough Jr. noted on Twitter that Natchez had the most millionaires per capita of an U.S. city before the Civil War. That’s a lot of millionaires—where do you think they got all their money?

A group of former Donald Trump aides have reportedly flocked to Wisconsin with the sole goal of overthrowing Paul Ryan, the current House Speaker who made the mistake of halfheartedly endorsing Trump earlier this summer.

Because of his homespun folksy manner and affinity for See’s Candies, Warren Buffett has a reputation as a very loveable guy. Not so, some of the people who make him so rich.

On Wednesday, the Trump campaign was forced to deny a report from “Morning” Joe Scarborough that Donald Trump doesn’t understand why it would be a bad idea to use nuclear weapons. “There’s no truth to this,” campaign spokeswoman Hope Hicks told The Hill.

The play “Cats” returned to Broadway this week, which is all fine and good, but let’s talking about opening night, the Page Six description of which sounds like the kind of fever dream Mario Lopez might have if he took three Valium with a bottle of Kombucha and fell asleep in the sun.

Every year, hordes of traveling workers, mostly women, arrive in Humboldt County, California, for seasonal jobs as marijuana trimmers, taking thousands of pounds of harvested weed and prepping it for sale. Here’s a good piece from Broadly about what that mellow-sounding job is actually like.

In an email to surrogates this week bearing the subject line “URGENT PIVOT,” the Donald Trump campaign revealed its damage control plan for the Republican candidate’s ongoing spat with Khizr and Ghazala Khan, whose son, a U.S. Army captain, was killed in Iraq. The memo was obtained by The Hill.

A federal judge in California has granted Donald Trump’s motion to keep sealed video of two depositions he gave in the last year in a pair of class-action lawsuits against Trump University.