If you can read this sentence, you are alive, which is one thing Anne Hathaway almost was not on Wednesday. The actress had to be rescued by a surfer after nearly drowning off the coast of Oahu, Hawaii.

The family of a 91-year-old woman who died during the politically-motivated George Washington Bridge lane closures in September is saying that they don't blame the traffic jam for her death and it "was just her time."

Hell hath no feces like a sorority girl scorned.

Police Chief David O. Brown of Dallas showed off his crazy tech skills recently by publicly disciplining employees on Twitter, with more detailed accounts of their indiscretions on a complementary Facebook page. We are truly living the future.

On Thursday, the New York Times published an intriguing firsthand account of the daily beauty routine of cream-colored lady Martha Stewart who, at 72, is better preserved than the contents of specimen jars gathering dust on shelves in walk-in pantries and anatomy laboratoria around the country.

The six biggest Wall Street banks made $415 billion in 2013, their best year since the financial crisis. You know what's cool again? Money. (Other peoples'.)

Last month, a Radio Disney-sponsored, oil company-funded educational program performed a series of events at 26 elementary schools across Ohio, educating students about the alleged benefits of fracking.

In a case that might have First Amendment consequences and will certainly strike fear in the hearts of anonymous trolls, a Virginia appeals court upheld a contempt ruling against Yelp, demanding that it release the identities of seven reviewers whom a carpet cleaner intends to sue for defamation.

"19 Reasons Why 19 Is The Most Formative Year of Your Life." #7: "Robert Frost's The Road Less Travelled is now not a nonconformist manifesto, but instead a chilling dose of existential reality. *If you haven't read it, do so now."

A teenager who crashed into a tree while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol was found to have stashed an unusually large quantity of stolen jewelry inside his rectum, police in Pennsylvania said.

Amiri Baraka, poet, playwright, essayist and critic, has died at age 79 in Newark, New Jersey. He was hospitalized in December for an unknown illness.

Aaaaaand scene: David Wildstein, the Chris Christie pal who carried out the traffic shutdown known as Bridgegate, has been accused of criminal contempt by the New Jersey Assembly for refusing to answer questions. Logically, whatever misdoings he's aware of rose higher in his mind than the rap he's getting now.

A recent peer-reviewed study published in Animal Cognition appeared to confirm the longstanding conventional wisdom that cats are jerks who don't give a furry crap about you.

Last month, a 19-year-old college student reportedly stabbed his mother before slicing off his own penis while high on a synthetic drug called mephedrone, better known to the kids as "Meow Meow." Police found the teenager with his penis, or what was left of it, dangling out a window, spraying blood everywhere.

In normal times, the arctic bird of prey known as the Snowy Owl stays up north, feasting upon the flesh of lemmings. But these are not normal times, so the owls have come south with the terrible arctic weather. "They are just absolutely everywhere and there's a lot more coming," says an expert who knows about the owls.

Just after the New Jersey governor's damage-control presser, a Chris Christie classmate and Port Authority appointee who engineered a traffic jam in Ft. Lee last September pled the fifth in a state Assembly hearing. The official, David Wildstein, lost a fight to avoid testifying about "Bridgegate" earlier today.

All Gregory Beck wanted to do was honor the 26 victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre the best way he knew how: by giving out ammunition to the gun-nuts he knew for 26 days straight. But you people can't tolerate a sense of humor in a school board member, can you?

The Great Recession of five years ago scared many Americans. Now that the Wall Street economy is booming again, many have rushed to warn against irrational exuberance. The common media practice of always staying one step ahead of conventional wisdom is now producing an Anti-Bubble Bubble.

Ever wanted to see every Wes Anderson slow-motion shot in just one video? Well, here you go.

A brave teen is being credited with saving the lives of many this week when he threw himself on the a suicide bomber who was about to detonate inside his school.