The final season of Mad Men will begin on April 13. Don Draper will do something. (What happens on Mad Men?)

Next month, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services will replace CGI Federal, the Canadian IT contractor that botched the construction and launch of the Obamacare website, with Dublin-incorporated tech services firm Accenture to smooth things out.

If stoners are known for one thing, it's their eye for interior design. So perhaps it's no surprise that mile marker 420 on I-70 through Colorado keeps getting stolen. What else would look better on the wall of your living room?

Thirty-two people have sought treatment at West Virginia hospitals for nausea and vomiting symptoms possibly related to last week's chemical spill, according to the state's health department. A few of those ER visitors have been hospitalized.

Scorsese, I'mma let you finish; but [snorts line of blue raspberry dust spilled from several Pixy Stix] Disney produced one of the most incisive critiques of boundless excess financed by other people's money of all— [croaks abruptly backward into pile of diamond Legos and crusty, unfamiliar underwear.]

Following the death of an overworked, epileptic Bank of America intern last August in London, the bank yesterday sent a memo to employees instructing analysts and associates to spend at least four weekend days per month away from the office. Generous.

Around the time of Whitney Houston's death, it became apparent that her daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown was dating Nick Gordon, who had been unofficially adopted by Houston after high school. This week, the two announced their marriage on Twitter with a photo of rings on their hands.

Last week, a chemical company poisoned a major West Virginia water supply so thoroughly that FEMA has been dispatched to clean things up.

That man you see above is holding a slice of Swiss cheese over his dick. He is currently driving around the Mayfair area of Philadelphia asking women to use the slice of cheese while jerking him off.

Usually, I lie. At a party, someone asks the question. It’s someone who hasn’t smelled the rancid decay of week-dead flesh or heard the rattle of fluid flooding lungs. I shake the ice in my glass, smile, and lie. When they say, “I bet you always get that question,” I roll my eyes and agree.

Chris Christie is all over your TV and newspaper and internet right now, which is just really unpleasant. What did the governor of New Jersey do and why does it matter?

French President François Hollande is in a sticky bit of intrigue, according to Closer, a Paris tabloid that just published exclusif paparazzi photos of Hollande in scandalous liaison with actress Julie Gayet, who is married with two children.

Eight years after falling into a permanent vegetative state, former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon stopped breathing this morning at Sheba Medical Centre in Jerusalem. The former IDF general and politician, nicknamed "the Butcher of Beirut" for his role in the 1982 Sabra and Shatila massacres of Palestinian civilians, was 85. He is survived by two sons, Omri and Gilad.

After a budget battle that raged throughout 2013, Cooper Union's board of trustees voted today to end the college's 155-year-old practice of allowing every student free tuition. "[T]uition remains the only realistic source of new revenue in the near future," wrote board chair Richard Lincer in a statement.

"De Blasio Skewered for Eating Pizza With Utensils," the Times trumpeted. And here, the Zapruder film of Pizzaghazi. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

Three days after the release of dozens of emails and text messages implicating key aides of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in a crackpot scheme to deliberately engineer a traffic jam in Fort Lee, New Jersey, a very interesting puzzle remains unsolved. Who, exactly, texted David Wildstein, Christie’s high school classmate and close aide, that he or she was “smiling” about the Fort Lee traffic jam (but also felt bad about schoolchildren affected by it)?

A man who arrived at his local hospital complaining of stomach pains was found to have a bottle lodged deep inside his abdomen and no memory of how it got up there.

When two black men were accused of assaulting a white couple on the Charlottesville, Virginia, mall last month, the right-wing shriek machine immediately seized on the incident as the latest "knockout game" attack—a Drudge-fed race panic in which feral black youth are purportedly sucker-punching nice white people around the nation without reason or warning. But local law enforcement now says that the men were in fact incited by a verbal confrontation with the couple—a confrontation some witnesses say was related to their gayness.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."