Fancy nightlife establishments — when they're not using hand signals to secretly talk about you, they're doing it right in front of your face: with code words.

Why did the fluffball chicken cross the road?

Rescuers have reached the group of workers who were trapped while working illegally in a South African gold mine, but most of the miners are electing to stay underground for fear they will be arrested if they come out.

The Jamaican Olympic bobsled team might be ranked dead last after today's heats, but this 8-bit video from Jamaica's tourism board deserves a gold medal.

Craigslist is where you to go buy or sell things, and also to find people you want to fuck. But you can also use it to find someone who used to own your dog, as evidenced by this fantastic story of a pit bull rescue that popped up on New York City Craigslist this weekend.

The BAFTA Film Awards, which are currently underway at the Royal Opera House in London, has given Gravity six out of its eleven nominated awards already, mysteriously one of which is for Outstanding British Film. Winners receive a peeled-off graft of Shakespeare's skin dipped in bronze, and are then play-knighted with it by Prince William, the actual president of BAFTA.

A man is in a coma this afternoon after ingesting a weed cake with his friends for his birthday. Though it is unclear if the weed cake was purely responsible for his comatose state, or if there were other foul issues afoot, nine of his friends were also taken into care for similar symptoms, an "irregular heartbeat" being one of them. One member of his party was left behind and not treated. He is now colloquially known as Weed King. Bow down.

Kids drink. Kids use social media. Now in the United Kingdom kids are apparently drinking on social media and dying because of it. Mothers of Europe: BEWARE.

Fashion designer Michele Savoia was confirmed dead today when his body was found in the Hudson River near his boat at 1:40 p.m.

Panic over the undetermined future of the millenial class continues as the New York Times reports on the overwhelming number of the post-graduate set who are still toiling at unpaid internships. Taking on two, sometimes three internships with no pay, many fear that interning has become its own career path, instead of a bridge to solid employment. As Alex Williams reports:

Last night, the trial of Michael Dunn — who shot and killed a black teenager named Jordan Davis in Jacksonville during an argument over loud rap music — ended in a mistrial. So, what now?

On the eastern edges of Johannesburg, in Benoni, rescue workers are attempting to free more than 200 miners who are trapped in an abandoned gold mine, after it was being worked illegally for gold.

Even after an entire week's worth of flawless looks, NBC's Johnny Weir is still changing the game. Today: glittered headband with matching necklace. Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby sucked because Weir and Tara Lapinski weren't cast. [Image via Tim Burke.]

Similar to team-assembling montages in action films, the American Association for the Advancement of Science comes together once a year to discuss developments and discoveries in the field of science, pouring each other green tea and playing mirthful pranks on the younger PhDs. Predictably, the topic of climate change was put on display this year, as 84% of AAAS members believe that humans are causing global warming.

There is a reality show on National Geographic called Snake Salvation, which follows Pentecostal preachers who believe God has instructed them to "take up serpents." Yesterday, one of those preachers, Jamie Coots of Kentucky, was bitten by a snake and died.

18 people are suspected dead in a Nepal Airlines crash earlier today. The plane took off in poor weather with no de-icing equipment and crashed into a forest in west Nepal, where flaming wreckage was located. Officials do not expect to find any survivors.

A Florida jury concluded today that Michael Dunn was guilty of three counts of attempted murder for firing into a vehicle full of unarmed teenagers after he got angry about how loud their "thug music" was playing. The same jury for some reason came to a mistrial on the question of whether Dunn was guilty of murder for the portion of his gunfire that hit and killed 17-year-old Jordan Davis.

George Zimmerman is not getting used to the rest of his life. In a new Spanish language interview with Univision that will air on Sunday night, Zimmerman details exactly how shitty his existence currently is, while also wondering why he can't live like the rest of us.

As the New York Times reported this week, one fortuitous result of the relentless battering of icy precipitation on New York City is a favorable uptick in boot sales. Several vendors around the city have reported to being knee-high in profits, but strapped for future customers as in-store availability becomes barely ankle deep.

Cult Netflix prison drama Orange Is the New Black shared a teaser for its second season today, after an announcement yesterday that the 13-episode season will premiere in its entirety on June 6. Here's to hoping your House of Cards binge-watching fatigue will have worn off by then.