If you've never wondered, you're probably a liar.

It's been three months since Fox media mogul Rupert Murdoch slipped the surly bonds of matrimonial discord with Wendi Deng, ceding her custody of their two children and Fifth Avenue triplex. Lesser men might buckle under the ennui now. Murdoch bought a sick fucking condo.

America, you're bulbous. Which is cool, if that's cool with you! The thing is, you're lazy as all get-up, too, and we have data to prove it: Obese women get one hour per year of exercise, and obese men get less than four hours. "They're living their lives from one chair to another," says a judgey researcher.

Kevin Roose, a business writer at New York magazine, made his splash with The Unlikely Disciple, the story of his “undercover semester” at Jerry Falwell’s evangelical college, Liberty University. Since then he’s rooted his way into an equally powerful and insular culture: Wall Street.

Come closer. Closer now. Look into my eyes. Look very deeply. In the very depths of their blackness, you will see: a tiny monkey. How was that? Did that sound zen? Cause I can tweak it however you guys want it.

The New York Post has quite the scoop:

We finally have confirmation that trendy clothing for cutting-edge young people and clothes for old people are, in fact, the same. For a series titled Spring-Autumn, photographer Qozop took pictures of cool twentysomethings with their parents or grandparents–then had them swap clothes and take the picture again. The results are pretty fantastic.

Florida man "shoots himself in leg after leaving gun safety class" because Florida, man.

Colleges, which exist primarily to enrich college football coaches, are now trying to hire college football coaches as college presidents. Makes sense. Cut out the middleman.

It's not even possible to get mad at the Baltimore Sun now. The Baltimore Sun is a nursing home where newspapering goes to die, or to sink into terminal urine-soaked frailty and confusion. Yesterday it announced it had received the commitment papers for City Paper, the city's alternative weekly, b. 1977 – d. TK But Soon.

It is a particular treat to see a Hayao Miyazaki movie on the big screen, and the Japanese animator's latest is no exception. The Wind Rises is as gorgeous as any Studio Ghibli production, crisp and pastel, soothing and stunning. Rife with dream sequences of impossibly layered aircraft against perfect skies dolloped with clouds, Rises reaches the fantastical imaginative heights we've come to expect from Miyazki. And when it isn't wowing you with what you've never seen before, it's wowing you with what you have. There's so much pleasure to be taken from the tiny details that the big screen amplifies: the moths that flock around an outside lantern, the incandescent halo of the moon shining through translucent nighttime clouds, the wildly unnatural colors that sneak in and out of the sky during the final moments of daylight.

Is Arizona set to become an "anti-gay Jim Crow" state? A week after Kansas nearly made law a bill proposing to legalize discrimination against gays on the basis of freedom of religion, a similar bill passed in Arizona last night, leaving Governor Jan Brewer five days to decide where to go from here.

Hedge funds, sophisticated financial vehicles using strategies that can—whether the market is up or down—enrich hedge fund managers, are now allowed to advertise to the public. Problem: they suck at it. Can we help them?

Here's a fun fact: 60 percent of all stories on the internet are created in a Hollywood studio by Jimmy Kimmel. Sorry, no, that's a lie—just like the little boy crossing the desert, the the sad Putin hockey photo, and the wolf in the Sochi hotel room. All of these stories took over the internet this week, and all of them were misleading—or outright bullshit.

Ukraine's president Viktor Yanukovych has, with three members of the opposition, signed an accord aimed at ending the violent protests in Kiev. Soon after, the Ukranian parliament voted to allow the release of jailed former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko

[Competitors in the women's ski cross small final, from left, Switzerland's Fanny Smith, Australia's Katya Crema, Austria's Katrin Ofner, and Sweden's Sandra Naeslund take the final jump at the 2014 Winter Olympics on Friday. Image via Andy Wong/AP.]

Who will fight the fire when the firetruck catches on fire? The firefighters from the firetruck (plus three more trucks and engines), with fire extinguishers. "This is one of these things you always hear about, but don't expect to happen," deputy fire chief Kurt Gerfin of Schenectady told the Daily Gazette.

As India wends its way from Third World to First World, it is useful to remember that it is an enormously diverse nation that contains not only tech companies celebrated by Tom Friedman, but also swaths of backwards countryside where rape is a common quasi-legal punishment.

To cap off a chilling week for mall food courts, Sbarros announces it will be closing 155 stores.

[Rob Ford, celebrating the Canadian women's hockey team's overtime gold-medal win yesterday.]