Earlier today, snowboarder Vic Wild narrowly took first place in parallel slalom, picking up his second gold medal of the Sochi Winter Olympics and adding onto Russia's medal lead. Wild was born in White Salmon, Washingt— wait, what?

As if life weren't miserable enough, even monkeys are working themselves to the bone. Associated Press photographer Muhammed Muheisen has shared a series of photos captured in Rawalpindi, Pakistan of worker monkeys whose purpose is to entertain humans by dancing, shaking hands, and performing other tricks for money.

Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán Loera, the kingpin of the Sinaloa drug cartel in Mexico, was captured by a Mexican-led operation today, ending a 13-year chase for the notorious drug boss.

We usually start off at the sidelines of the second line, us black transplants who didn’t grow up with the taste of brass in our bloods. The smoke plumes rising from the homemade food trucks enticing anyone within a mile radius to steak sandwiches, hot sausage po boys, Cajun fried chicken, corn on the cob and everything else that does your soul some good while your waistline graduates to the looser hole on your belt.

A good cover of "Hey Ya." Anything is possible.

A controversy is once again brewing on Reddit over moderator protection of its pedophile users. One Reddit user is accusing moderators of AskReddit, the catch-all subreddit that you're automatically subscribed to upon registering, of banning people who "out" admitted pedophiles.

With only a $350 Mindstorms LEGO set and a head full of smarts, California seventh grader Shubham Banerjee built a fully functioning Braille printer, normally priced upwards of $2,000.

Ukrainian MPs have voted to oust president Yanukovych and hold early presidential elections on May 25. In addition, opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko has been freed from prison in the eastern city of Kharkiv.

Happy Ragnarök, brethren! According to Nordic mythology, while you sit nursing your bloody Mary on this unseasonably sunny Saturday morning, you're probably going to feel the earth move beneath your feet until that very same earth no longer exists. It's over.

Speaking live on UBR, Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych announced that he is not resigning, comparing the "coup in Kiev" to "fascist Germany in 1933." Protestors are currently taking over the presidential palace.

The day after signing an accord meant to end violent protests in Ukraine, president Viktor Yanukovych has reportedly left Kiev, ceding control of the capital to the opposition. The parliament building is now guarded by masked anti-Yanukovych forces, and the public has entered the presidential compound, Mezhyhirya, outside the city.

Those of us in Gawker Central who have lived in Washington are 50/50 on whether this Craiglist solicitation for Dupont roomies, "WE NEED TO KNOW COOLER PEOPLE," is fake or not. The fact that it's credible at all tells you everything you need to know about Washington:

Garrick Utley, the first television foreign correspondent to cover the Vietnam War on the ground, died on Thursday of cancer. He was 74.

Longtime New York Times book critic Janet Maslin, in a panel discussion last night, told an audience that Dylan Farrow had published her child-abuse accusations against her father, Woody Allen, in the Times as a way of “calling attention to herself,” inspired by “sibling rivalry issues” with her brother Ronan Farrow.

A hideous statue of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain is now displayed in his awful little hometown's local history museum, so that visitors can remember him not as the last rock 'n roller to rule America but instead as a weeping bummer playing acoustic guitar.

Party-flipping Florida politician and tanning enthusiast Charlie Crist was reportedly accosted yesterday at a book-signing by tea partiers who said he looked "like an AIDS victim" and called him a "commie whore." That, said a local reporter, was "the most printable comment."

Eric Ortiz doesn't like spiders. Which is why he got this black widow spider tattoo on his cheek, just below his eyeline, in December: So he can overcome spider that which spider he fears most spider spiiiiiiider SPIDER.

Hindsight is 20/20. And that's what makes it so great. It allows us to chastise those who were wrong in the past.

I moved into the second bedroom of a house owned by a woman my age. It quickly became apparent that she was anorexic, controlling, and neurotic.