At a rally in South Carolina today, Donald Trump gave a touching eulogy to the true victim of climate change—his own, unruly hair follicles.

[There was a video here]

“Obama doesn’t want to hit them too hard because he doesn’t want to pollute the atmosphere. This is real,” Trump emphasized as someone off in the distance screamed, “Not possible!”

Now, what exactly is it that is not possible? Is this anonymous screaming Trump supporter claiming it’s not possible to bomb someone “too hard,” or are they claiming that it’s not possible for nuclear bombs to affect environmental conditions? Both prospects are equally terrifying to consider, so for the sake of my personal well-being I am going to pretend that our public education system hasn’t been failing us and that question never asked.

Much easier to grapple with, though, is Trump’s issue with Obama’s apparent war on hairspray:

You can’t use hairspray. Because hairspray is going to affect the ozone. Let’s see—I’m in my room, in New York City, I want to put a little spray so that I can—*mimes styling his hair*—right? But I hear that they don’t want me to use hairspray... they say it’s bad for the ozone.

Fortunately for Donald Trump, aerosol cans stopped harming the ozone layer in the early 80s. Now that propellants have taken the place of CFCs for the past several decades, any voices telling you to switch hair styling techniques exist wholly within your own, mercilessly coiffed head.

[h/t New York Times]

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.