[There was a video here]

Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld did the straight white old man equivalent of throwing shade at a number of the presidential candidates on today’s episode of The View—he sprinkled Old Spice on them.

“I wanna see these candidates on both sides run around the track and deal with issues and have people say things about them and have them say other things about other people, and see how they react,” enthused the 83-year-old gossip aficionado.

Is there a candidate that he’d “most trust handling the world and the issues going on right now?”

“No.”

(Damn that’s cold.)

Does he think Trump has what it takes to be president?

“I’ve never met him. I don’t know him.”

(Wow, such a diva.)

How about Jeb Bush?

“I don’t know him.”

This is actually the same line (just altered for gender) that Mariah Carey used about her arch nemesis Jennifer Lopez in 2003 and has since been immortalized in gifs and memes. It’s one of Carey’s most enduring hits.

“They say he was a very good governor of Florida,” added to his evaluation of Bush. However he was too busy not knowing Jeb to have a strong opinion of his own on this matter.

Right, well, how about Ted Cruz?

“I’ve never met him.”

(My fingers are crumbling as I’m typing this from the hypothermia that Rumsfeld is serving.)

Lest you think he’s never met another person in his life, Rumsfeld assured the panel that, “I’ve met lots of people...I’ve met Kasich!”

Rumsfeld was on the show to promote his app, Churchill Solitaire. He said that even though it’s solitaire and by definition a game for one, he records his and his wife’s scores on a yellow pad and tallies them up at the end of the year, probably so that he can draggggg her in conversations with friends later.