During an otherwise routine critique of Donald Trump’s growing ties with establishment Republicans, libertarian radio host Alex Jones took a moment on Tuesday to read a passage from his darkest Lord of the Rings slash fic, voicing concerns about his new BFF “kissing goblins.”

“I never expected Trump charging into a goblin’s nest to not get some goblin vomit and schlop and blood on him,” said Jones. “I just don’t want to catch him in bed with a goblin. But if he’s in there rolling around hacking ‘em up and he’s got a goblin guide, y’know, taking him into the cave, I’m not expecting him to not get dirty, especially up to his ankles.”

“I don’t wanna see him kissing goblins, having political succubus with goblins,” Jones added.

Fair enough!