During an otherwise routine critique of Donald Trump’s growing ties with establishment Republicans, libertarian radio host Alex Jones took a moment on Tuesday to read a passage from his darkest Lord of the Rings slash fic, voicing concerns about his new BFF “kissing goblins.”

“ALEX JONES: BECK IS A ‘DEMONIC LITTLE GOBLIN’ ‘RUBBING HIS LITTLE POT BELLY ON THE GROUND’ BEFORE ZUCKERBERG,” reads a strange and vivid headline that appeared on Breitbart this week, the latest volley in a war of words between the two most prominent broadcasters of news and opinion for Americans who own a gun and 50 or more bumper stickers.

From July 15th to September 15th, over a thousand armed American soldiers will maneuver through the Southwest United States as part of a vast operation with a single motto: "Master the Human Domain." Internet conspiracy theorists wait their whole lives for a moment this rich.

The always hermetic Bilderberg Group is currently holding its annual meeting in England, thus making it the perfect time for the BBC to host America's foremost raving lunatic, Alex Jones, purveyor of foil-hat-making message board Infowars.com.

Yesterday, we explored the wild reality of Tornado Truthers, who believe that massive storms are created by the HAARP antenna farm in Alaska (HAARP is actually a research station to communicate with aliens living underground — only fools think otherwise). Still, the whole affair was missing the input of King Nut himself, Alex Jones. Well, guess what? He's down.

Accused Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev was a fan of Infowars, the conspiracy-theory website operated by Texas radio host Alex Jones, the AP reports.